I have my talents, but some of the job description of homemaker is a bit out of my skill set.

Here are three homemaking-related questions that have come up over the last 12 hours:

1. What are these greenish-blue crystals that appear in Rhett's tub?



The crystals magically appear while the tub is being filled. There are no toys or washcloths in the tub. It doesn't happen to any of the other tubs in the house. Randomly they don't appear, but most the time they are there.

2. How do I ask for this light bulb? Should I take the picture to the store?



Our main bathroom downstairs light has been burned out for a few days. The boys refuse to pee in the dark. Last night I got several replacement light bulbs, the ladder, un-screwed the 3 bolts that held the heavy glass fixture in place only to uncover this.

Huh?

I don't have any bulbs that size.

Neither does Target.

I guess I will be taking a trip to Home Depot this week.


3. How do I do it?



I made this cake. This is what the picture on the box looks like.

Yummy!




This is what my cake looked like.

Yummy*!

*the boys called it a pancake



Yes, That is a double layer cake that measures in at less than one inch.*
*Ryan did say that it tasted better than it looked. I mean, it still was cake...sugar, flour, eggs, frosting...

7:07 AM

Harbinger of laundry 911...

Posted by Texasholly |

opened the washer
the aroma colorful
of 5 day wet clothes

I think my time might be better spent on laundry today...

Dear Nirvana Reader,
There has been a little revolt at Holly's house. As you know, some have complained, some have whined and some have threatened. I am here to offer an ultimatum.

I am Holly's range.

I have noticed something. I have a lot of time on my hands to observe because I am rarely in use. In fact, reflecting Holly's fuzzy slippers in this picture is the most work I have done all week.

It's not that Holly stays out of the kitchen. She is ALWAYS there. She uses other appliances. The microwave and dishwasher seem to be in perpetual motion. She also has her favorites. The coffee maker.

The computer. I know this isn't actually a kitchen appliance, but she doesn't seem to grasp that.

I have to hand it to her. The girl can make some toast.
and some more toast.
This is hard for me to admit. This hurts me to the core. This is why other appliances mock me. This is why drastic measures are required. This is no joke. This is another appliance that sees more action then I do:
I know it seems incomprehensible that a barnyard waffle maker is in use more than I. Do you feel my pain? Do you see why action is my only choice? Where did it all go so wrong? Why me? Is she insane?

If I am not used consistently (once daily x 14 consecutive days) over the next two weeks, I am posting myself on eBay:


Stainless steel range. Pristine condition. Very little use.

Crying for attention,
Holly's Range

I am linking to my fabulous friend Marcy at the Glamorous Life to show how absolutely fabulous my house looks (if you keep all the closet doors shut) for this week's G.I.R.L. party!






Dear Nirvana Reader,

I come to you. Not because others have. I come to you to tell my story of havoc. I come to you to not for sympathy. Bah Humbug on sympathy. I don't need any therapeutic talk. My life delights me.

I am Holly's toy closet.

I am situated next to the living room in a convenient location under the stairs. My expanse is great. My ceilings are angled. Holly designed me with 5 shelves filled with wicker baskets and enough space to accommodate books standing in a row. She covered my concrete floor with a fluffy play-friendly rug. Because of my handy location I am an obvious catch-all. When the doorbell rings...my door opens and toys get thrown into me at a pace that would rival a major league pitch. That makes sense. It is good to have a place to hide things temporarily.

Every once in awhile my perky hostess takes an afternoon to sort me out. She pulls all the toys out into the entry. Sorts them by shape, color and age suitability. She sends 80% of my contents to who knows elsewhere and then packs me naively back with the wicker baskets and Brother P-touch labels into pristine condition.

This girl. She isn't just a half-full kind of person. She is a "it really looks like it might be 3/4 full and I am going to sip slowly and enjoy it, but I am sure there is more" kind of person. What a load of optimistic crap.

Let us have a reality check. THREE BOYS. MILLIONS OF TOYS. Three boys whose millions of toys have millions of pieces. Millions of pieces, Oh the joy! Boys. Toys. Pieces. Joy!

So I ask what is the point of the toy sort? Why does she waste her time? She doesn't know my nature. I live on chaos. Messy is my middle name...Holly's MESSY Toy closet (I guess Messy is my first name). Whatever. What do I care. I am a mess. I can take a pristine toy sort and turn it into toy hell in less then 15 minutes. Don't think I can't. Don't underestimate me. Let me prove it:


Boys. Toys. Pieces. JOY!

Oh, the sight of me just makes me happy. But what tickles me even more is the horrified gasp and naughty word muttering that happens every time Holly opens the door. Now that is worth my existence. Don't pity me. I am in a good place.

Lovingly,
Holly's messy toy closet of the devil
P.S. Where are Maisy's pants?

Dear Nirvana Reader,

I need to tell my story. I come to you because others have. They reported back that venting may not have changed HER ways, but was therapeutic.

I will start with a little about myself. I am a DaysAgo Timer. I attach by magnet or suction cup to various items and keep track of how many days ago you opened it, watered it, packaged it, etc. I am super handy. I am super cute. I am ingenious.

I was featured on Oprah and in Real Simple magazine the same week. That is where Holly saw me. That is where my troubles began. She zipped onto my website, ordered me and 10 of my closest friends and 3 days later we were hers. She distributed my friends as gifts and kept me.

She seemed nice enough. She was perky. She enthusiastically embraced me and my mission. She popped me onto a can and put me in the fridge.

47 days later she cleaned out the fridge, disposed of the can I was occupying and reset me onto another can.

64 days later she cleaned out the fridge, disposed of the can I was occupying and reset me onto another can.

83 days later she cleaned out the fridge, disposed of the can I was occupying and reset me onto another can.

Then I didn't hear from her. At. All. Hello? Hello? Hello? Is Holly out there? It's cold and dark (just when the door is closed--the light REALLY does go off) in here. It has been so long.

The light goes on. The light goes off. The light goes on.

She notices me. She picks me up. She takes me out of the fridge. She stares at me:
Yes, I am stuck on "99". It has been so long that I have lost track of time. I know I am a timer. I get that. I was only programmed for 2 digits people. I was totally unprepared to live this nightmare.

So an indescribable number of days later she cleaned out the fridge, disposed of the can I was occupying and reset me onto another can.

Are you kidding me? My life is ground hog day.

Chillingly yours,
Holly's DaysAgo timer

P.S. Did I just hear Holly announce to the boys that they were having pizza buns for lunch? She must be stopped.


I bought three candlesticks on the Southern Living discontinuation sale for $5 a piece. I grew to love the candlesticks. It was a beautiful thing. I was happy, they were happy. They reveled in the fact that they were the ONLY breakable items in my house. I reveled in the fact that they were so colorfully enthusiastic. It was a comfortable relationship of mutual respect.

Then one of the boys threw a ball in the house. One candlestick did not react well. One candlestick was shattered beyond repair.

Then there was two. Two. Only two didn't look very good. Two was too few. Two was too lonesome. Two didn't follow the rule of odd for decorating. Boo on two.

I went for help. Southern Living didn't have them (hence the DISCONTINUATION sale). Ebay did. I bid. I bid. I won! I won a lot of two for $15 a piece. Two plus two equalled four.

Then there was four. Four? Only four didn't look very good. Four was too many. Four was a crowd. Four didn't follow the rule of odd for decorating. Boo on four.

I separated the new pair. I placed one of the newbies in a closet. Bye, bye one. Four minus one equaled three.

Then there was three. Three. Three looked good. Three was company. Three follows the rule of odd for decorating. Yeah for three.

Then one of the boys crawled onto the counter and pushed a candlestick onto the floor. One candlestick did not react well. One candlestick was shattered beyond repair.

I brought back newbie. I released him from the closet. Hi one! Two plus one equals three.

Then there was three. Three. Three looks good. Three is company. Three follows the rule of odd for decorating. Yeah for three.*


*That is as of the time of this post. I still have three boys...and no candlesticks held in reserve. I am living on the edge.

Dear Nirvana Reader,
This is a plea for help. I could be beautiful. I am neglected. I can prove it. This is my life:

8:00 am:Please don't make me tell you what meal yesterday the Frito is from. No one swept me last night. No one swept me this morning.

10:30 am:Yes, now I am enduring not only REAL food, but faux food as well. Please notice that the Frito remains. It is like an itch I cannot scratch.

1:15 pm:Great. Smashed goldfish were added from lunch. And the stickers. I never can be free from the stickers.

4:00:Yes, the wide shot is better to see the real picture of what is happening here. See that marker? Non-washable. She is insane. 3 boys. non-washable marker. Do you see what I am dealing with here people?

6:30 pm:Whew. Progress. First time all day that progress is being made. Toys picked up...well, actually scooted to the adjoining concrete floor (don't get him started) to make room for the broom...ah, I can feel the joy already.

7:45:This is getting a bit irritating. The broom is right here. Please. Please use it.

9:00 pm:Are you kidding me? It's getting quiet around here. No one loves me. She just walks by. Leaving the broom here is just evil. It is like she is mocking me.

6:15 am:I just spent the whole night dreaming of that broom. Bet she just puts it away and I live like this through another day. For the love of Frito's, could you just humor me and pick that ONE up?

Pleadingly,
Holly's kitchen floor

I would contribute the left overs from Monday's potluck, but there aren't any. The Herb Sliders were easy and amazing. Blog-Stedman ended up doing the ACTUAL cooking which is probably why they were easy and amazing, but I helped...a little. Prep work, people. Prep work.

I do have 1/2 a chicken salad sandwich in the fridge from the fab play date yesterday:I tried to hold back from saying the following, but I can't help it...AREN'T THEY JUST THE CUTEST? I want to thank Anglophile Football Fanatic for not running in terror when I showed up in this outfit: We had a really good time while the boy's played contently in the Pottery Barn Kids store PINK kitchen.

I also have 1/3rd of a cinnamon bagel pretzel from "The Other Boleyn Girl". It has been years since I have gone to a movie. Way back then they didn't serve $4.25 pretzels and tickets were not $9. The down side was you had to walk uphill through snow without shoes both ways. My movie review (this is shocking and unexpected): the book is better then the movie.

I was tagged by R World for the book meme: grab the book nearest to your left elbow, open to page 123, and then copy the sixth, seventh, and eighth sentences. My book is "Microtrends" by Mark Penn (I am a very complex, don't judge me). And this is the magical quote from the chapter "Late breaking Gays":

"Can he say he loves me--and in fact never desire another woman--and yet still leave me for a greater passion when we're 45? How do I turn on the Gaydar now, and here, while we're still dating? Perhaps the dating Web sites, and prenuptial counseling services, will want to add a couple of questions about sexual preference."

Tag, you are it: Pinky, Domestic Accident, Rachel, Jessica and Lupitasloves. Just curious what you are reading these days...

Please check out the fancy pink box on the right for really funny stuff that I read over the last few days. Oh, and let me clarify Potluck rules. There is no theft...potlucks are welcome in any location as long as I am invited. In fact, if you find yourself needing to throw a potluck....use this by replacing all the ( and ) with < and >:

(a href="http://junecleavernirvana.blogspot.com/")(img border="0" view¤t="nwdesigns3.jpg" = alt="Photobucket" src="http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/5268/potluckht9.jpg"/)(/a)

and you will have this, that when clicked on will send people my way:


The universal potluck is my first step in blogworld domination. If there is interest, I will get one of those fancy link boxes.

*Please, please act normal when you enter. DO NOT mention what went down here two days ago. I am going to carry on as if nothing happened. You know how Mondays can get...*
Happy Monday. You know what that means...(electronic drum roll from Rock Band creating oodles of points needed to unlock better songs)...POTLUCK! Yeah! Today I am contributing Herb Sliders featured on this week's menu plan at Blissfully Domestic. I am on my way to Target to get the supplies and if the kids all take 4 hour naps this afternoon I might be able to pull this off. The 4 hour time frame is in no way a reflection of the recipe author, it is more about user error. I love the IDEA of cooking, it is the EXOCUTION that worries me. The word "exocution" is a perfect fit in that sentence. So, if you are hungry now and need snacks there are a few leftover goldfi...shhhhhh.

There are several handwritten home made signs on posts (the kind that you would see for garage sale advertisement) at busy intersections nearby that read "2 Cool 4 Skool Home Daycare" followed by a phone number that is a cell number. Let me just make these bold statements: If you are selecting your child's daycare off of homemade signs sporting cell numbers at busy intersections, childcare may be the least of your problems. And to the "2 Cool" people...LOOK UP! There is a Kinkos right there! Go get a real sign!

This made me laugh very hard from Watch Me Christine. Which brings up the fancy new widget I am displaying to the right. It is my top ten most favoite recent posts and it is updated minutely regularly. Most these things are very, very funny because really, who can't use a good chuckle? So if you are bored and looking for a laugh, I have done all the work for you and searched out the most current giggles off my reader.

Speaking of work, my blogroll is currently under construction because it was the blogroll I designed when I had one non-relative reader. Please be distracted by the fancy new widget!

Thanks to Frog Ponds Rock for this sweet bouquet. I love visiting her site for the scenery. It is like a mini vacation.I would like to pass it on to everyone who made a comment on this post. I nearly fainted dead away...47 people! Thank you soooooo much. You have no idea how cool that is (Ok, some of you know how cool that is on a regular basis, but not me). And, if you go comment now to put me over 50 there is a bouquet of flowers in it for ya (is that too greedy?) So here I am again exceeding my blog spending limit, but no one carted me off to blogjail last time...can I say repeat offender? Someone should really write a manual so I know the rules.




These are works from Hans Jean, Jean Dubuffet and Meret Oppenheim that I borrowed from MoMA. They have inspired me. If people are willing to pay a lot of money for art that looks like this, why am I not capitalizing on what I have at home? I have budding Picassos whose art I can hang on the wall for a fraction of the price.

The big question is how to get children's art onto the wall without it looking like the front of the fridge. I have found a solution which translates kid's art stuffed in kitchen junk drawers to amazing wall hangings. No need to shop for posters and art for your home when you have birthed a factory for such things.

This is what creates the magic:

A floating frame. They can be purchased almost anywhere that sells frames. The prices range from under $10 for two pieces of plastic clenched by metal strips to $30+ for glass surrounded by wood. They are extremely easy to use. They look modern/contemporary (which I LOVE, but my house is not) in the store, but on my wall with my wall color matting my kid's art it is almost style-neutral.
Part of the brilliance of this is that kid's art is usually irregular in size and shape. They don't seem to crank out 8x10s, 11x13s or 14x16s. Their medium usually starts with a 8 1/2 x 11 piece of paper and then gets bigger with tape and glue or smaller with scissors. But with the floating frame you can frame the strange sizes and irregular borders with ease.
The other thing that I am not afraid to do (anymore) is alter the size and shape of the origianal art (gasp!). If you are altering it to frame it and display it proudly vs. not altering it to save it for eternity "just as it is" the loss of artistic integrity will be forgiven.
I also group like artwork together just like I would if I was arranging "fine" art on the dining room wall. Above is a grouping of Reid's "Blue Period" he painted when he was three. I think if I had just displayed one it wouldn't have the impact that the three together have. I also have space under this grouping to add 3-6 more paintings since his blue period seems to be in perpetual continuation.
Another thing I watch out for are things to frame that aren't traditional children's art. This is a paper that Ryan (then 5) wrote numbers and pretend multiplication tables. Not all his math is perfect, but I think framed it is pretty artistic.
I love placing the art in non-traditional places. I don't keep the children's art to just kid's rooms and playrooms. This grouping is hung in the kitchen. It is the first thing you see when you come in from the garage. The zebra above sits on a shelf in the masterbedroom.

My current to-do list includes picking up a few more floating frames because Ryan just brought this home from school:

Is MoMA in HIS future?

5:36 PM

Holly critiques world class design...

Posted by Texasholly |

We always come to the same place when we visit Colorado and have been visiting regularly for the past 3 years. It has come to feel like home to me so when we came last summer to find one of our favorite restaurants had closed and was under construction to become Spago's we became a little worried. Blog-Stedman was concerned that there would be nothing "normal" for him to eat. I was concerned that my all time favorite event would be cancelled--the massive breakfast buffet. It did not occur to me that Wolfgang Puck would come in and change the entire environment without even consulting me! Shocking, isn't it? Here is a little tour and then you can decide whether next time Mr. Puck would be better off calling me. For the record, here are my design credentials: 1) I am an avid watcher of HGTV. 2) I know what I don't like. 3) I decorated my own house 4) I even talked several other people into hiring me last summer. Now back to the tour:

This is the cool, rustic, contemporary art at the entrance to the restaurant. Love it! Love how it is edgy, yet fits into the Colorado surroundings.
This is a view from our breakfast table this morning. The left wall is big squares covered with leather that are down-right yummy. The space planning throughout is stellar with enough room between tables, yet you feel like you are in a cozy, private area.
Fun chairs! They are also surprisingly comfortable. Love the contrast between contemporary and western charm. They feel more TX than CO to me, but I will give them the benefit of the doubt on this one because they are so cool and I have no problem spreading a little TX charm around.
This is a HUGE wall to wall to ceiling black and white photo (you can see this in the room view above). There are several of these throughout. I really like them and am a huge sucker for any sort of b & w photography. Blog-Stedman thinks they were an afterthought to cram a little CO into the design.
This is the booth where we ate dinner. Love the booth! They have walls between booths so you feel like you are in your own little room. The dinner was quite an event. It was both dinner and entertainment with a whole cast of people doing this and that at your table...bringing things, taking things, cutting things, pouring things, removing things. It was very well choreographed. The food was above average and the over all experience was great. Unfortunately, they have priced blog-Stedman and I out of the ability to do this very often. Back to design. This is where I think things came together the best. I love the existing rock wall peeking out behind the sleek furniture.
This is what you see from the hotel lobby when looking into the bar. You can see more of the fun chairs turned bar stools. The bar also has little booth-like areas seen to the right which are really cool. BUT, they lost all sense of Colorado here. The floor is a most amazing glassy tile not larger than 1 inch x 2 inch bricks that just shimmer in a more Florida feel. The partitions throughout the bar and restaurant are made of bamboo in gentle shades of orange, red and green. I love them, but they have no business being in a Colorado lodge. It makes the whole place seem like it should be in a warmer climate which is a little unsettling when you are sitting there in different levels of ski attire.
This is another view of the bar from the hotel lobby. One shot just doesn't do it justice. It is so fabulous, but...
this is what you see from that same spot in the lobby when you turn 45 degrees. It is so weird that designs that oppose each other so strikingly are sitting next to each other in the same room.
Here you can see through the bar into the big Colorado lodge room on the other side. It really feels like someone designed this bar and restaurant without ever visiting the location. I would feel much more comfortable and happy if it were sitting in the middle of Dallas, Palm Springs or Orlando. It just doesn't fit in the rustic lodge. I really believe they could keep the modern look if it were better mixed with rustic, earthy, Colorado things. The first thing I would do is replace every piece of bamboo in the whole place with something like a small stone tile or chunky dark wood. I would have the fabulous bar floor taken to my house and replaced with something that better flowed with the outside lobby like funky slate. I would emphasize colors like moss green and eliminate the pastel oranges and reds. I would replace the light fixtures in the main dining room because they are currently too small and I think something huge and rustic might be quite delightful there. So, Mr. Puck if you need any more advice, please contact me. I am sure I would be much cheaper to hire then your original design team.
PS--I may just be a bit bitter over the cancellation of the massive breakfast bar...

This is the anticipated picture (taken from below as it was hanging) of the ball dropped at my house. We didn't have the timing down as well as NYC, but they are 99 tries ahead of us. From all accounts it was a party-pleaser. I had so much fun with it I am thinking of instituting it as a regular part of the boys' bedtime routine...countdown to 7:30...10, 9, 8, 7...there is nightly fanfare around bedtime that rivals New Year's Eve parties around the globe.

I don't usually write New Year's Resolutions. I don't usually keep New Year's Resolutions. But, 2008 could be the year of my accountability to you, dear reader, and the random blog public. This blog could be used to improve my life, like a Tony Robbins seminar or a "The Secret" book. This blog could hold my feet to the fire and create consequences beyond the natural. This blog could be a window of opportunity and a door on which opportunity knocks (I have been told I make a better door than a window...does that have something to do with opportunity?) Because as blog-Stedman points out, "its not like you are making any money off that blog", I say to you blog, "get with the program!" So in attempt to create some usefulness in this blog other than free therapy and the adrenaline rush of watching site stats, I give you my 2008 goals in measured precision befitting the "retired" PT I am. It is my little 2008 plan of care (POC):

1. "Grumpy Holly" may only make one appearance (no longer than 35 minutes twice that day) a calendar month. Unused minutes may not be saved or rolled over.
2. "Running on Empty Holly" is eliminated. Gas tank must be filled at 1/2 level 75% of the time with the remaining 25% utilized at no less than 1/4 full. Holly will go 365 days without seeing the glow of the gas light.
3. "Rachel Ray Holly" will provide her family a meal (the nutritious part is best suited for 2009 list...lets get realistic) 5/7 nights a week that doesn't include some form of pizza (not excluding pizza buns, frozen pizza, delivery pizza, pizza on toast, pizza on a pita, pizza rolls, pizza bites, pizza on a bagel, or homemade pizza).
4. "Snazzy Holly" will emerge exponentially throughout 2008. Holly's new clothing purchases will be thought-out, improve the overall wardrobe and decrease the appearance of any form of "mommy uniform". Early in 2008 credit will be given for the current state of the wardrobe, but by year's end frumpy credits will no longer be extended.
5. "HRH Holly" will blog daily to fulfill her obligation to 365. (Although this seems difficult, it will be a cinch compared to the numbers 1-4.)

OK blog, 2008 is your chance to justify your existence.