Dear Nirvana Reader,
There has been a little revolt at Holly's house. As you know, some have complained, some have whined and some have threatened. I am here to offer an ultimatum.

I am Holly's range.

I have noticed something. I have a lot of time on my hands to observe because I am rarely in use. In fact, reflecting Holly's fuzzy slippers in this picture is the most work I have done all week.

It's not that Holly stays out of the kitchen. She is ALWAYS there. She uses other appliances. The microwave and dishwasher seem to be in perpetual motion. She also has her favorites. The coffee maker.

The computer. I know this isn't actually a kitchen appliance, but she doesn't seem to grasp that.

I have to hand it to her. The girl can make some toast.
and some more toast.
This is hard for me to admit. This hurts me to the core. This is why other appliances mock me. This is why drastic measures are required. This is no joke. This is another appliance that sees more action then I do:
I know it seems incomprehensible that a barnyard waffle maker is in use more than I. Do you feel my pain? Do you see why action is my only choice? Where did it all go so wrong? Why me? Is she insane?

If I am not used consistently (once daily x 14 consecutive days) over the next two weeks, I am posting myself on eBay:


Stainless steel range. Pristine condition. Very little use.

Crying for attention,
Holly's Range

22 comments:

Madge said...

i would totally use you baby. totally.

Lisa said...

You can come to my house--I think you are beautiful and I would use you, daily. Bring the coffee maker with you ;)

InTheFastLane said...

At least you don't have to Clean the range. Because I think that is why mine is crying.

Don Mills Diva said...

Ha - I should hook you up with my stairmaster - you could commiserate together!

Valarie said...

Poor thing! Maybe your range should start a club. I bet it would get lots of members, mine probably would join. Like BUAA, Barely Used Appliances Anonymous.

Heather said...

I never new ranges had such emotion. Poor neglected thing. But I totally dig the barnyard waffle maker.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

You could start reheating your leftover takeout pizza in her instead of in the microwave.

jennifer h said...

Dear Range:

Consider yourself a piece of art. Like in a museum. Where people are not allowed to touch the art.

You are art. You are beautiful. Tell Holly to keep her hands off.

Not that you'll notice any difference. You and my range should go out sometime.

Signed,
Jennifer, a patron of the (kitchen) arts

Happy Campers said...

I have bad news, Range. Perhaps Holly is cheating on you. With that georgeous, huge range in the kitchen. It's out of your line of sight...perhaps she put it that way on purpose.

But that range is beautiful. Not to take away from YOUR beauty. You sparkle baby!

But the range around the corner looks as if it could cook for an army. Perhaps Holly is spending her oven time with the Army Range.

I'm just saying. Face the music. You're second fiddle. I'm noting if not honest :)

hehehehehe

Baby Mamma (Tamra) said...

Appliance envy... Gotta love it! That is one cool coffee maker, by the way.

fullheartandhands mama said...

Ooh, that is almost as nice as my old windowless beauty. And, no fair, I actually use mine!

Marlee said...

It's okay, honey, at least you LOOK hot!

Sandy C. said...

Oh sweetie, I'd be happy to adopt you. I have a far inferior ugly white range that seems to show dirt even if I only boil water. I'd be happy to turn you on anytime ;)

Roxy said...

I'm using my mom's old range she used when I was a kid!

LaskiGal said...

Holly's Range--you are hilarious. Seriously, get a blog of your own and add me to your blog roll. I'll be sure to add you to mine. That is, unless I can get you on Ebay for a good price . . . you can join my never-used stove top and you two can become friends.

JCK said...

I was a little nervous at first that you were going to talk about the need for putting one Nirvana head into the oven. Am very RELIEVED this is not so. But, you have to relieve your stove of his pain. Really. You do.

Angie said...

Dear range,

you can come over and keep my smaller kitchen appliances I had to have company - food processor, blender, immersion blender, electric griddle. They are very lonely and don't see much light of day inside their cupboards.

KEEP BELIEVING

frog ponds rock... said...

*whispers to Holly's Range* come to Australiaaaaaa we can change your name to Oven or Stove..
I will treat you like a queen and fill you with succulent roasts and fluffy pastries. oh the bliss...

Come to Australiaaaaa

jenny gardiner said...

Damn that is the cleanest oven--make that the cleanest KITCHEN--I think I've ever seen. I'm downright jealous of you! This makes me wonder if you have a lot of spare time on your hands, what with everything sparkling so...
I love that the computer is a kitchen appliance--it is totally my appliance of choice (but the desk on which it sits is COVERED in post-it notes and other miscellaneous crap.

Christine @ Serenity How? said...

At least yours looks clean.

Now I'm really glad I didn't let my kids talk me into the Hello Kitty toaster. I can only imagine the trash talk behind my back. :)

Veronica said...

I'll swap you. I will take your jealous needy range and you can have my slightly crappier and not so jealous range.

Deal?

Pinky said...

hey good lookin', i'll put ya to cookin'!

ha! nerdy, huh?

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