June Cleaver Nirvana

I have a shoe problem.

It is more of a shoe management problem.

Then I have a solution.

A shoe management solution.

Which causes a problem.

A shoe management problem...

Here in lies the shoe management problem: a child is born with TWO feet and society expects that they will be wearing shoes on BOTH feet. Oh, and they should match. Thanks society. Way to up the parent pressure.

This was an issue when I had just one child because quite honestly he just had too many shoes. Let's just admit that baby shoes are the cutest thing ever and a first time mom is powerless in its clutches. I bought cute baby shoes. I received cute baby shoes as gifts. I received cute baby shoes as hand-me-downs. My baby was continuously dressed in cute baby shoes that coordinated with cute baby outfits for exactly 3 seconds...

My baby hated wearing shoes. I hate wearing shoes. Genetics was working against my treasure trove of cute baby shoes. After losing one shoe in the house, in the car, in the grocery store and in the mall I noticed a trend. I was leaving a cute baby shoe trail around town. I gave up. No more shoes (or socks for that matter) for baby. Yeah for Texas weather.

I put all the cute baby shoes into the closet. There they stayed until I pulled them out to transfer them to baby #2 closet where they stayed until I transferred them to baby #3 closet until I gave them away to a friend who was having a baby because they were in perfect condition, unused.

As the boys grew into an age where shoes are expected, I started developing a shoe management system. This shoe management system is based on the basic philosophy that shoes are overpriced and boys' feet grow quickly.

Here is Holly's shoe management system for boys (H.S.M.S.F.B.):

1. In winter each boy should have one pair of tennis shoes and one pair of dress shoes.
2. In summer each boy should have one pair of crocs and one pair of dress shoes.
3. Dress shoes should be chosen for their ability to be used in both summer and winter and should be handed down from one boy to the next.
4. Every fall each boy goes shopping to get their tennis shoes (Ryan's also double as his school uniform shoes).
5. Every spring each boy chooses his croc color off the crocs.com website and Holly makes one giant crocs order that qualifies for free shipping.

Before the advent of crocs I had tested sandals (they break and/or stink after a month), summer use of tennis shoes (don't get me started...they are ALWAYS muddy) and flip-flops (*nightmare* boys can't walk in flip-flops!). I am just going to say it:

I love crocs. I love crocs on boys because they are sturdy, they don't stink, they are easily rinsed if muddy and they stay on boys' feet.



Yeah crocs! Yeah for motherhood in the age of crocs.

A HSMSFB tip is a nearly daily cleaning of crocs. I either dump them in the washer when I am starting a load or throw them into the used bathwater for a little scrubbing. They dry so quickly that either works really well.

Another HSMSFB tip is that all shoes are kept at the back door. At the back door is a bucket for crocs deposits.

So last year the HSMSFB worked beautifully. Rhett (then 1) and Ryan (then 6) chose silver crocs and Reid (then 3) chose blue (of course). I spent last summer confident that I had this shoe management thing down. I spent last summer feeling like a genius. Last summer...good.

This summer...

It all started with the color selection. All three boys chose the same color. No big deal? They all want the same toys. They all want the same kid's meal prize. To them same equals fair. So I ordered the 3 pairs of blue crocs in sizes 8/9, 10/11 and 12/13.

I noticed my error on DAY ONE. Size 8/9 doesn't look much different then size 10/11 and size 10/11 doesn't look much different then size 12/13. In fact, size 8/9 doesn't really look that different from size 12/13 when you are in a rush.

I have been at the park with one or two children and noticed that they are wearing two different size crocs. Unfortunately it never involved just the two sizes of the children represented at the park.

So thinking myself a genius I stopped by a store that sold jibbitz. I know! I will just buy their initial letters to add to the shoes.

First mistake was naming all my children with the same first initial.

Second mistake was expecting a store to carry their first and second initials.

I know! I will just buy some symbol that would make each shoe different.

First mistake is to assume that I could find BOY themed jibbitz.

Second mistake is to assume I am willing to pay money for the super random, ugly and dumb BOY themed jibbitz I found.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't throw another $18 down this hole.

Until I got home and went to the website, chose things they would actually like and threw another $21 down this hole...

And so my dear reader(s), I am still frantically searching for same size crocs every time we leave the house until I get a shipment from jibbitz.

Oh, and add this into the mix:



According to Rhett, ELEPHANT can't leave the house without wearing his last summer's size 6/7 crocs. Thank God they aren't blue and don't require another $6 worth of adornment...

*Yesterday I went with a friend and our mere collective 4 children to IKEA. We usually have 6 between us ages 7 and under so we were feeling free and breezy. I always take my camera everywhere (you haven't noticed?) so imagine my disgust when I pulled it out of my purse only to find the memory stick was still in my computer at home. Because our adventure was so great and my ability to describe events without pictures is so small, I give you the animated version...*

My closest IKEA is located at the intersection of the daisy-strewn tollway and the road from hell soon to be a tollway. I took the road from hell soon to be a tollway because I am stupid. After much traffic on the road from hell soon to be a tollway, we finally arrived at the big blue happy box, IKEA.
The big blue happy box, IKEA opens at 10. BUT the big blue happy box, IKEA serves breakfast to hungry travelers starting at 9:30. Unload the minivan...time for snacks!
The big blue happy box, IKEA serves a full breakfast and many snacks. The big blue happy box, IKEA serves all this and a bag of chips for mere peanuts.
Mmmmm. After a good breakfast we felt like shiny, happy people shopping at the big blue happy box, IKEA.

Let's get a cart! Oh, the carts at the big blue happy box, IKEA have special, magical shopping cart powers. They may be pushed in ANY direction. Wow. Cool. Super neat. ANY direction except forward. Wow. Cool. Super neat. After about 10 feet...
Wow. *What the?*
Cool. *Who designed these?*
Super neat. *If any IKEA design team personnel steps in my way, I am going to push them over with my cart. They probably have encountered this before and will step directly in front of the cart rendering me helpless. They are so evil and crafty.*

Let's tour the big blue happy box, IKEA while pushing our magical carts in a sideways direction. Wow. Cool. Super neat. The big blue happy box, IKEA designers have made the store into a giant maze. Yeah. Over the loud speaker IKEA plays big blue happy box music and announces that "the average IKEA customer spends 3 hours in the store" I think that the average IKEA customer is insane and not chasing a collective 4 children. Let's run sideways fast so we can get to the place I need to go...
Yeah. I found things I need. I will just pop them into my magical sideways cart. Here is what will fit into the magical sideways cart:
This is what I try to fit into the magical sideways cart:
Legend:
circled in purple: things that I fit into my cart pushing really hard
crossed out in purple: things that kept falling out of my cart
circled in green: things I put in my friend's cart
circled in orange: things I couldn't fit in either cart and carried
crossed out in orange: things I couldn't fit in either cart and carried and dropped repeatedly

*angel choir sings*
Look. Look. Look at this:
It is an amazing light fixture that looks like a clear bucket. You can fill the bucket up with ANYTHING (except water...they say specifically no water). You can fill the bucket up with things that coordinate with your room. See how nice it looks in my pretend room? I just love the big blue happy box, IKEA.

Let's go check out! If I can get these magical sideways carts to line up in the narrow aisles...I can go home and stare at my new bucket light. Push. Push. Push. Whew!
Now the challenge of unloading my 362 large boxes onto a check-out conveyor belt 1/6 the boxes' size.

I pushed the magical sideways carts to the minivan, loaded the car and we were off.

Bye. Bye. Big blue happy box, IKEA. We were out of there in less then 2 hours because we are WAY below the average IKEA customer...

I would contribute the left overs from Monday's potluck, but there aren't any. The Herb Sliders were easy and amazing. Blog-Stedman ended up doing the ACTUAL cooking which is probably why they were easy and amazing, but I helped...a little. Prep work, people. Prep work.

I do have 1/2 a chicken salad sandwich in the fridge from the fab play date yesterday:I tried to hold back from saying the following, but I can't help it...AREN'T THEY JUST THE CUTEST? I want to thank Anglophile Football Fanatic for not running in terror when I showed up in this outfit: We had a really good time while the boy's played contently in the Pottery Barn Kids store PINK kitchen.

I also have 1/3rd of a cinnamon bagel pretzel from "The Other Boleyn Girl". It has been years since I have gone to a movie. Way back then they didn't serve $4.25 pretzels and tickets were not $9. The down side was you had to walk uphill through snow without shoes both ways. My movie review (this is shocking and unexpected): the book is better then the movie.

I was tagged by R World for the book meme: grab the book nearest to your left elbow, open to page 123, and then copy the sixth, seventh, and eighth sentences. My book is "Microtrends" by Mark Penn (I am a very complex, don't judge me). And this is the magical quote from the chapter "Late breaking Gays":

"Can he say he loves me--and in fact never desire another woman--and yet still leave me for a greater passion when we're 45? How do I turn on the Gaydar now, and here, while we're still dating? Perhaps the dating Web sites, and prenuptial counseling services, will want to add a couple of questions about sexual preference."

Tag, you are it: Pinky, Domestic Accident, Rachel, Jessica and Lupitasloves. Just curious what you are reading these days...

Please check out the fancy pink box on the right for really funny stuff that I read over the last few days. Oh, and let me clarify Potluck rules. There is no theft...potlucks are welcome in any location as long as I am invited. In fact, if you find yourself needing to throw a potluck....use this by replacing all the ( and ) with < and >:

(a href="http://junecleavernirvana.blogspot.com/")(img border="0" view¤t="nwdesigns3.jpg" = alt="Photobucket" src="http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/5268/potluckht9.jpg"/)(/a)

and you will have this, that when clicked on will send people my way:


The universal potluck is my first step in blogworld domination. If there is interest, I will get one of those fancy link boxes.

*Please, please act normal when you enter. DO NOT mention what went down here two days ago. I am going to carry on as if nothing happened. You know how Mondays can get...*
Happy Monday. You know what that means...(electronic drum roll from Rock Band creating oodles of points needed to unlock better songs)...POTLUCK! Yeah! Today I am contributing Herb Sliders featured on this week's menu plan at Blissfully Domestic. I am on my way to Target to get the supplies and if the kids all take 4 hour naps this afternoon I might be able to pull this off. The 4 hour time frame is in no way a reflection of the recipe author, it is more about user error. I love the IDEA of cooking, it is the EXOCUTION that worries me. The word "exocution" is a perfect fit in that sentence. So, if you are hungry now and need snacks there are a few leftover goldfi...shhhhhh.

There are several handwritten home made signs on posts (the kind that you would see for garage sale advertisement) at busy intersections nearby that read "2 Cool 4 Skool Home Daycare" followed by a phone number that is a cell number. Let me just make these bold statements: If you are selecting your child's daycare off of homemade signs sporting cell numbers at busy intersections, childcare may be the least of your problems. And to the "2 Cool" people...LOOK UP! There is a Kinkos right there! Go get a real sign!

This made me laugh very hard from Watch Me Christine. Which brings up the fancy new widget I am displaying to the right. It is my top ten most favoite recent posts and it is updated minutely regularly. Most these things are very, very funny because really, who can't use a good chuckle? So if you are bored and looking for a laugh, I have done all the work for you and searched out the most current giggles off my reader.

Speaking of work, my blogroll is currently under construction because it was the blogroll I designed when I had one non-relative reader. Please be distracted by the fancy new widget!

Thanks to Frog Ponds Rock for this sweet bouquet. I love visiting her site for the scenery. It is like a mini vacation.I would like to pass it on to everyone who made a comment on this post. I nearly fainted dead away...47 people! Thank you soooooo much. You have no idea how cool that is (Ok, some of you know how cool that is on a regular basis, but not me). And, if you go comment now to put me over 50 there is a bouquet of flowers in it for ya (is that too greedy?) So here I am again exceeding my blog spending limit, but no one carted me off to blogjail last time...can I say repeat offender? Someone should really write a manual so I know the rules.

I bought these:Stated nutritional information for one kid serving:
Calories 130
Fat 2g
Carbohydrate 26g
Fiber <1g
Sugar 8g
Protein 2g
Crap. How am I supposed to calculate it based on these results?
While you are pondering that, please let me know how to figure it out for a PB&J (insides only):


This is a 2 y/o driver:
This is why insurance companies don't insure 2 y/o drivers:
ahhhh, how cute. His first car accident. We are currently in heated negotiations with the elephant to avoid a whiplash lawsuit.

These are works from Hans Jean, Jean Dubuffet and Meret Oppenheim that I borrowed from MoMA. They have inspired me. If people are willing to pay a lot of money for art that looks like this, why am I not capitalizing on what I have at home? I have budding Picassos whose art I can hang on the wall for a fraction of the price.

The big question is how to get children's art onto the wall without it looking like the front of the fridge. I have found a solution which translates kid's art stuffed in kitchen junk drawers to amazing wall hangings. No need to shop for posters and art for your home when you have birthed a factory for such things.

This is what creates the magic:

A floating frame. They can be purchased almost anywhere that sells frames. The prices range from under $10 for two pieces of plastic clenched by metal strips to $30+ for glass surrounded by wood. They are extremely easy to use. They look modern/contemporary (which I LOVE, but my house is not) in the store, but on my wall with my wall color matting my kid's art it is almost style-neutral.
Part of the brilliance of this is that kid's art is usually irregular in size and shape. They don't seem to crank out 8x10s, 11x13s or 14x16s. Their medium usually starts with a 8 1/2 x 11 piece of paper and then gets bigger with tape and glue or smaller with scissors. But with the floating frame you can frame the strange sizes and irregular borders with ease.
The other thing that I am not afraid to do (anymore) is alter the size and shape of the origianal art (gasp!). If you are altering it to frame it and display it proudly vs. not altering it to save it for eternity "just as it is" the loss of artistic integrity will be forgiven.
I also group like artwork together just like I would if I was arranging "fine" art on the dining room wall. Above is a grouping of Reid's "Blue Period" he painted when he was three. I think if I had just displayed one it wouldn't have the impact that the three together have. I also have space under this grouping to add 3-6 more paintings since his blue period seems to be in perpetual continuation.
Another thing I watch out for are things to frame that aren't traditional children's art. This is a paper that Ryan (then 5) wrote numbers and pretend multiplication tables. Not all his math is perfect, but I think framed it is pretty artistic.
I love placing the art in non-traditional places. I don't keep the children's art to just kid's rooms and playrooms. This grouping is hung in the kitchen. It is the first thing you see when you come in from the garage. The zebra above sits on a shelf in the masterbedroom.

My current to-do list includes picking up a few more floating frames because Ryan just brought this home from school:

Is MoMA in HIS future?

In honor of 2007 slinking away into warm fuzzy nostalgia, I am providing random favorite foods for your grazing pleasure: freshly popped popcorn, peanut M&Ms, coffee with Vanilla Caramel coffee-mate, large bowls of Jelly Bellys so you don't have to eat the gross ones, Target's Blood Orange soda, a variety of cakes--beautiful, tasty, yummy cakes, a plethora of salads containing nuts, cheese and some sort of fruit, and an oatmeal bar including, fresh strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, pineapple, brown sugar, cinnamon, raisins, dried cranberries and candied pecans, both Silk soy milk and regular milk are available.

At the fabulous Anniversary celebration (have I mentioned that?) dinner, we went to Fearings. The dinner was grand and Dean Fearings came and talked to us several times (insert giddy schoolgirl laughter here), but the most amazing thing was the restrooms (the tour linked here doesn't do it justice--just a peek). The doors are glass--see through to the toilet glass--that when you lock the door turns opaque. It is so freaking cool!

The New Year's Party situation here is very potluckish. Our neighborhood celebration is going to be hosted by our next door neighbors and in an effort to not pay a babysitter New Year's Eve wages since the children will be in bed and we will just be next door Bianca is hosting a party here at our house. So, if next door doesn't work out we will be back to party at our house. I will post a promised picture of the lighted sphere when we hang it this afternoon which I am sure will cause you to cancel all your evening plans to sit by the computer and wait.

I am still at the point that each time I open the door to my minivan I feel like I am risking my life. I am hoping that fades with time.

I just bought the funnest (that is just the best word to use here, even if it is not a word and you totally let me get away with the word "potluckish" two paragraphs ago so don't start complaining now) shoes for tonight--sparkly black pumps with a peek toe.

I am about to list my oldest child on eBay.

The blog world has made me appear a little crazy in the real world. In the blog world it is acceptable, even encouraged to make a comment on anything and everything. I keep finding myself in the real world chiming in my two cents worth to stares of "that was unsolicited". Oops!

Dear Toy Manufacturer that is a 3 letter word that starts with "C" and is not "DOG",

Reid has been your biggest fan since birth. I have been on board until this Christmas. Until recently, your toys have been relatively tough with a decent price. This year Reid spotted your remote control excavator at Target with a price tag in the $60 range. I spotted that it looked like a piece of total plastic crap (the remote wasn't even wireless...which would have made it a very expensive pull toy in my house). Blog-Stedman researched it because it was all Reid could talk about and found that yes, it is a piece of total plastic crap according to parents all over the country. I felt so blessed by Costco when I walked in to their store in November and found the exact same excavator sans the wired remote for $30. I figure if you are going to buy total plastic crap, price matters. I went home victorious with the knowledge that this toy would be out of commission by New Years, but that the money saved would be put into another toy that might make it into 2008.

On faux-Christmas morning (3 days prior to the real thing if you aren't keeping up with my riveting blog), Reid opened the excavator with great joy proclaiming, "I knew Santa was going to bring this!" and I set about the process of removing it from the box. I know parents across the country would gladly join me in a protest march against PWPTTRACSTRT (People Who Package Toys That Require A ChainsSaw To Remove Them), but this was a new one for me: I had to unscrew 8 phillips headed screws to get into the box and when I turned the toy over to remove 4 additional phillips headed screws to release it from a cardboard platform something on the excavator arm broke. Great. It didn't even make it out of the box, let alone until REAL Christmas. On the hellishly annoying bright side, all the very loud sounds and non-melodic music still work perfectly.

It is my plea that next year you produce something that is sturdier then the cardboard box that contains it. Just a suggestion, but maybe you could get your crack PWPTTRACSTRT team on that.

Fervently,
Holly

I love that my third child is so self-sufficient that he puts himself into time-out. It is survival of the fittest around here and he is evolving toward being the fittest. If he is like this before his second birthday, what do I have to look forward to at age 3, 8, or when he is a teenager (shudder)?

Today I was planning on taking the boys to see the trains at Northpark Mall. Ryan was hounding me all morning to invite his friend, Lucy. After awhile I admitted to him I wasn't feeling to positive about handling 4 kids at the mall and without pause he said, "mom, it would be like you only had one kid." Intrigued, I asked, "how do you figure that?" and he replied, "Well, Lucy and I know the rules and we could make sure that Reid follows them so all you would have to worry about is the baby." If only it was that simple! Lucky for Ryan and the rest of us, when I called Lucy's mom she was within a minute of our house on her way to Northpark. So, a grand day of trains, food and shopping was had by all. I even got to try on a few party dresses at Neiman's which was fun with 5 kids--the eyerolls we received were priceless!

Northpark has the most interesting attraction for kids as seen on the right. It is a planter that is very slick and the kids use it as a slide. The kids absolutely love it and who are we to spoil the fun?

By the way, if you are looking for good mall Christmas decorations (as you know I am) Northpark would finish pretty high on the list.

Remember the drive-in TV Greg bought a week or so ago? Well, as he was leaving Costco, he was handed a coupon for the EXACT TV he was buying for $500 off. The lady at the door said, "Oh, just bring back the coupon and receipt during the coupon dates and we will refund the money". Today was the first date on the coupon so I headed to Costco for my $500. Let's just say that the lady at the door was very ill-informed. They do regularly refund coupons, but NOT for the weekend after Thanksgiving. So, I spent 1 hour of my afternoon today being the sweetest, most understanding, firm person at Costco. I talked to 1 employee and 2 supervisors. I played the "help me because I am sooo sweet" card, the "my minivan is full of kids" card, the "It takes two people to take that huge TV off the wall, put it in the box and lift it into my minivan which then can't hold ANY kids" card, "What would you do if you were me?" card, the "can I just return the empty box and rebuy it" card, the "What should I do?" card and any other card in the deck I create on the spot. In the end it was all worth it and I got my refund which was super fantastic because Greg has informed me that whatever refund I obtained would go toward a better anniversary gift--yeah for Costco and now yeah for Tiffany's!

One of the most anticipted event of the year is the annual "Ryan and Mommy get up in the middle of the night and go shopping" on black Friday. This year was no different (except this year the rest of the world joined us) and we were off at 4:30 am. Because Kohl's opened at 4 this morning, we missed our usual first stop because as a seasoned Kohl's black Friday shopper, I knew that 4:30 was WAY too late. We went to Belk's and stood in line for about 7 minutes to be one of the first 250 people in to get a gift card (ours was $5! There was at least one in TX that was $5000) and the shopping began. Ryan and I go for the entertainment so we don't take any shopping too seriously and if the line is too long, we leave. We got a few things at Belk's and then headed for the mall. Macy's opened at 6 and we were one of the first ones in. I did really well on several of their early bird specials. It wasn't too crowded or difficult to negotiate the aisles. We then went into the mall which was 80% open--yeah! This is the first year that mobs of people who want to spend money weren't just roaming aimlessly throughout the mall. So we hit the Disney store, Gymboree, Hallmark and a few other stops. When we got tired we went to IHOP for breakfast and were home by 7:30. Naps ensued and we were feeling much perkier at noon and went and got the other boys who had been rescued from black Friday by Mimi and Bampa. We had a great morning and look forward to next year. Greg and I had gotten online last night and picked up some of the early bird specials at Wal-Mart for Rhett's birthday which is coming up quickly. The online thing saved me from the hell that is Wal-Mart on black Friday. Other places I would never get within a parking lot's distance are Target, Toys R Us and Best Buy...remember, we are in this for the entertainment!