June Cleaver Nirvana

Blog-Stedman and I have celebrated 18 Christmases together. 15 of those have been celebrated under the plastic boughs of a faux-tree.

The first few Christmases we had a fake fir for financial reasons. Once we were a bit more established (Christmas #4) we jumped in our Cherokee and drove to a local tree farm.

I love a real tree. They are so real. They are so tree-y.

We chose a beautiful tree.
Tied it to the roof.
Toted it home.
Set it in the living room.
Decorated it with care.
Stood back and admired it.

Around midnight the first night we both started to sniffle.

Odd. That we would both catch colds at the same time.

The sniffles continued throughout the entire holiday season.

Merry Christmas! sniffle. sniffle.

The sniffles were thrown out to the curb with the dead tree 4 weeks later.

Oh! Maybe we are allergic to certain Christmas trees.

Year two we toted home a different variety with the same results.

Merry Christmas! sniffle. sniffle.

Year three we toted home a different variety with the same results.

Merry Christmas! sniffle. sniffle.

By the fourth year (ya, we are quick learners...) we decided we were more fake tree folk because being merry is much easier when you can breathe.

Fast forward 11 Christmases to a gray minivan full of three boys passing a local Christmas tree "farm"* today:

Reid: Why don't we get our Christmas tree there?
Me: We already have a tree! Remember helping me put it together?
Ryan: Those are REAL TREES.
Reid: Oh.
Ryan: You don't want a REAL TREE because they are FULL OF BUGS and when you take them home there are SQUIRRELS and RATS living in them IN YOUR HOUSE...

I love it when I don't have to say anything more.

*The Christmas tree "farm" is actually the pumpkin patch after a holiday make-over that I animated here.

Oh, and guess what?

Yep, there is an identical Christmas tree "farm" next door.

On Monday I took the younger two boys to Ryan's end of school program. It was a little over an hour. There was a speaker and then each student received a ribbon, each class performed and each teacher was recognized. Not exactly a treadmill of activity to occupy a 2 y/o.

To increase the degree of difficulty, I forgot Rhett's binky. Which he informed the crowd on multiple occasions by muttering, "B, B, B, B, B, B!". Every once in awhile he would raise his voice with a little, "B! Mommy!". Then he would look at me with big pleading eyes and say so sweetly, "Please, B...?". I was helpless. An amateur mistake for this overly seasoned mom.

I stuck my own finger in his mouth to have it promptly bitten. Nice. Thanks. Just trying to help you out little buddy. He finally started chewing on his own arm. Bless his flesh eating soul.

Afterward I gave Ryan a choice of three restaurants. There are three restaurants that I am willing to take three boys to unaccompanied. They are Chik-fil-A, McDonald's and Cici's Pizza. He chose Cici's.

Following lunch the boys headed with hands clutching quarters to the arcade area. Rhett donated his quarters to random machines and ended up empty-handed. Reid did really well on the claw and ended up with a dozen plastic crap toys. Ryan ended up taking home most of his quarters because he is unwilling to let loose of the money. He looked into the claw machine and stated, "Mom, none of those toys are worth 50 cents." He has a point.

Rhett grabbed the dracula teeth that Reid had won, put them in his mouth and wore them home in place of the missing binky. I would have paid more then 50 cents for that peace a few hours previously...

Hi to all of you who partake weekly in the potluck. Oh, and if you are new around here, please scroll below to the Trapper story. You really should start there.


Happy, happy Monday! Whooo hooo.

I am not serving food today. You will have to bring your own to the potluck. Deal, people. Deal. (rebel tendency #1)


On Friday my mom and I took the three boys to the Dallas Museum of Art. The place is fantastic. The kids were very interested in many of the things we saw. They were as well behaved as boys ages 2,4 and 7 could ever, ever expect to be. BUT that didn't stop the staff of the DMA from yelling at us for the following (rebel tendencies #2-#5):

1. We had just gotten into the building. We were walking down the hall that lead to the galleries. I want to emphasize that there wasn't a piece of art within 100 yards of us when my 3 boys ran up an empty staircase in the corridor. *gasp* Then they ran down. *gasp* A DMA staff member ran to me quietly shouting, "children should NOT be on the stairs unassisted. They could fall and hurt themselves." I assured her that they have been independent in their stair climbing for years. I had actually been proud of them for choosing an appropriate area to run off excess energy. Whatever. (Rebel tendency #2)

2. The boys had been told not to touch anything. They had followed this throughout the museum. Toward the end, Rhett(2) found a glass case that contained some really cool drawings. He pointed to them. His pointer finger touched the glass case. *gasp* A museum employee ran to us and sternly reprimanded my 2 y/o for putting a finger print on a glass case that was sitting on the floor. Really? Of all the things he could accidentally touch this seems like something that did no harm. Whatever. (Rebel tendency #3)

3. When we entered the museum I had checked to see if they had a photography ban. Nothing was posted. I had taken pictures (many are in my yesterday's post) throughout (without flash...the art is so beautifully lit). I took the picture of the random father/daughter because the moment unfolded right before me. *gasp* A museum employee flew across the room to give me a 10 minute lecture on what artwork could be photographed. According to my lesson, you can only photograph art that was a GIFT to the museum. Hmmmmmm. I missed the whole part where anything in the museum wasn't a gift from a foundation, person or taxpayer (me!). Whatever. (Rebel tendency #4)

I know! Right now you are thinking...WHO IS SHE? Where is our perky, harmless Holly?


Rotten Sweet potatoes. (Rebel tendency #6)

I just realized that I skipped rebel tendency #5...and I am not even going to change it. (I know! I know!)

I am going to switch this segment around a little today (rebel tendency #7) to throw AllTop.com under the bus (rebel tendency #8). I have been watching my stats and have received a total of 14 visits through the AllTop.com site. I have been responsible for at least 4 of those (rebel tendency #9). So, should I go join the much more fun AllMediocre.com hosted by my favorite blogging buddy, Meg? Please vote with your comments. (yes, that would be rebel tendency #10)


Oh, I gave that slogan to Meg while still listed on AllTop.com. (rebel tendency #11)


So today I am off to celebrate Ryan's last day of school. Last day? Celebrate? Would it be wrong of me to dread that summer starts tomorrow (rebel tendency #12)...

Mommy, can we go somewhere?
Let's visit the big happy blue box, IKEA:


I think I should have brought a towel:



Let's go home together:
Choose your own adventure at Lotus' Place.

*Yesterday I went with a friend and our mere collective 4 children to IKEA. We usually have 6 between us ages 7 and under so we were feeling free and breezy. I always take my camera everywhere (you haven't noticed?) so imagine my disgust when I pulled it out of my purse only to find the memory stick was still in my computer at home. Because our adventure was so great and my ability to describe events without pictures is so small, I give you the animated version...*

My closest IKEA is located at the intersection of the daisy-strewn tollway and the road from hell soon to be a tollway. I took the road from hell soon to be a tollway because I am stupid. After much traffic on the road from hell soon to be a tollway, we finally arrived at the big blue happy box, IKEA.
The big blue happy box, IKEA opens at 10. BUT the big blue happy box, IKEA serves breakfast to hungry travelers starting at 9:30. Unload the minivan...time for snacks!
The big blue happy box, IKEA serves a full breakfast and many snacks. The big blue happy box, IKEA serves all this and a bag of chips for mere peanuts.
Mmmmm. After a good breakfast we felt like shiny, happy people shopping at the big blue happy box, IKEA.

Let's get a cart! Oh, the carts at the big blue happy box, IKEA have special, magical shopping cart powers. They may be pushed in ANY direction. Wow. Cool. Super neat. ANY direction except forward. Wow. Cool. Super neat. After about 10 feet...
Wow. *What the?*
Cool. *Who designed these?*
Super neat. *If any IKEA design team personnel steps in my way, I am going to push them over with my cart. They probably have encountered this before and will step directly in front of the cart rendering me helpless. They are so evil and crafty.*

Let's tour the big blue happy box, IKEA while pushing our magical carts in a sideways direction. Wow. Cool. Super neat. The big blue happy box, IKEA designers have made the store into a giant maze. Yeah. Over the loud speaker IKEA plays big blue happy box music and announces that "the average IKEA customer spends 3 hours in the store" I think that the average IKEA customer is insane and not chasing a collective 4 children. Let's run sideways fast so we can get to the place I need to go...
Yeah. I found things I need. I will just pop them into my magical sideways cart. Here is what will fit into the magical sideways cart:
This is what I try to fit into the magical sideways cart:
Legend:
circled in purple: things that I fit into my cart pushing really hard
crossed out in purple: things that kept falling out of my cart
circled in green: things I put in my friend's cart
circled in orange: things I couldn't fit in either cart and carried
crossed out in orange: things I couldn't fit in either cart and carried and dropped repeatedly

*angel choir sings*
Look. Look. Look at this:
It is an amazing light fixture that looks like a clear bucket. You can fill the bucket up with ANYTHING (except water...they say specifically no water). You can fill the bucket up with things that coordinate with your room. See how nice it looks in my pretend room? I just love the big blue happy box, IKEA.

Let's go check out! If I can get these magical sideways carts to line up in the narrow aisles...I can go home and stare at my new bucket light. Push. Push. Push. Whew!
Now the challenge of unloading my 362 large boxes onto a check-out conveyor belt 1/6 the boxes' size.

I pushed the magical sideways carts to the minivan, loaded the car and we were off.

Bye. Bye. Big blue happy box, IKEA. We were out of there in less then 2 hours because we are WAY below the average IKEA customer...

We took a train ride back in time...
to log cabin village.
We watched a blacksmith
and ran along tree covered paths.
I wouldn't trade my washing machine for this...
but would love an herb drying cabin in my backyard.
We watched the waterwheel splash
which made the mill work.



Fast forward a century and a bit to Lunar golf.





Who knows what today holds...


Join our tour guide Sarcastic Mom for some more journeys along the time-space-place continuum.

Boys peer at dog through dry cleaner's window (bonus reflection material: 2/3 of me and 1/3 of the minivan).

I would contribute the left overs from Monday's potluck, but there aren't any. The Herb Sliders were easy and amazing. Blog-Stedman ended up doing the ACTUAL cooking which is probably why they were easy and amazing, but I helped...a little. Prep work, people. Prep work.

I do have 1/2 a chicken salad sandwich in the fridge from the fab play date yesterday:I tried to hold back from saying the following, but I can't help it...AREN'T THEY JUST THE CUTEST? I want to thank Anglophile Football Fanatic for not running in terror when I showed up in this outfit: We had a really good time while the boy's played contently in the Pottery Barn Kids store PINK kitchen.

I also have 1/3rd of a cinnamon bagel pretzel from "The Other Boleyn Girl". It has been years since I have gone to a movie. Way back then they didn't serve $4.25 pretzels and tickets were not $9. The down side was you had to walk uphill through snow without shoes both ways. My movie review (this is shocking and unexpected): the book is better then the movie.

I was tagged by R World for the book meme: grab the book nearest to your left elbow, open to page 123, and then copy the sixth, seventh, and eighth sentences. My book is "Microtrends" by Mark Penn (I am a very complex, don't judge me). And this is the magical quote from the chapter "Late breaking Gays":

"Can he say he loves me--and in fact never desire another woman--and yet still leave me for a greater passion when we're 45? How do I turn on the Gaydar now, and here, while we're still dating? Perhaps the dating Web sites, and prenuptial counseling services, will want to add a couple of questions about sexual preference."

Tag, you are it: Pinky, Domestic Accident, Rachel, Jessica and Lupitasloves. Just curious what you are reading these days...

Please check out the fancy pink box on the right for really funny stuff that I read over the last few days. Oh, and let me clarify Potluck rules. There is no theft...potlucks are welcome in any location as long as I am invited. In fact, if you find yourself needing to throw a potluck....use this by replacing all the ( and ) with < and >:

(a href="http://junecleavernirvana.blogspot.com/")(img border="0" view¤t="nwdesigns3.jpg" = alt="Photobucket" src="http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/5268/potluckht9.jpg"/)(/a)

and you will have this, that when clicked on will send people my way:


The universal potluck is my first step in blogworld domination. If there is interest, I will get one of those fancy link boxes.

Monday is going to be furious when it gets back, but I just can't help myself. I can not come up with any cohesive thoughts with a beginning, middle and end so it's potluck time!I am serving this:It is a goldfish bar. No designated driver needed after this shindig. This idea was born approximately 30 feet from and 10 minutes after this heaven moment when Reid (not pictured there) was grabbing random bags of goldfish and throwing them into the cart while I was trying desperately to find snacks to serve at our impending HS group. It was a chocolate meet peanut butter kinda moment. An added bonus is that it allows for side by side comparison of the crazy new products goldfish is rolling out on a daily basis. Who knew that 'Blazin' Buffalo Wings' would be my favorite?

I had a really good laugh when I read Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING's Signs your kids are watching too much TV yesterday morning. Yesterday afternoon my boys were watching TV upstairs while I was down in the kitchen. Ryan(6) came running downstairs as fast as he could yelling, "I need paper! I need paper!" I pointed in the direction of their art paper and he grabbed one and ran upstairs. I didn't think twice until this was delivered a few minutes later:
This, dear reader is the 800# and price for pancake puffs. Which my boys believe we cannot live another day without. This child hypnotising commercial runs on their website. I have an idea. Why don't we get the pancake puff people to make commercials for the following: potty training, picking up your clothes, making your bed, good manners and listening to mommy. They seem to have the key to the kid's attention.

I took the minivan in for a smashed snack food and juice box detox car wash and walked into the adjacent coffee shop to catch up on my googlereader. At the table next to me were 2 guys doing a job interview. I overheard the older one tell the coffee employee he was from the bike store. After pleasantries, the interviewer asked, "Do you ride a bike?"...silence...crickets..."uh, uh...no." I am no Human Resource genius, but I think that interview was over.

I apologize that this is long overdue, but awhile ago Courtney @ Life with 2 Beautiful Girls sent over this sweet award:Thanks so much! Courtney, I still owe you a meme, but as previously stated, my brain isn't exactly cohesive today. The award will look stunning next to this one from Rachel at Always Wanted 4:I heart and appreciate you. And since you are really supposed to decorate in odd numbers, let me mention this:Thanks so much to Rachel at The Land of Monkeys and Princesses for the Royal Banana award. I have been secretly coveting it (is that so wrong?) and will display it proudly.

I think American businesses under-utilize the Drive-thru window. I vote with my dollar by daily supporting fast food, dry cleaners, coffee, pharmacy, and library drop box drive thru windows. I think almost ANY business could and should have a drive-thru. I am not just talking restaurants here (although I think they all should have them). I am thinking big: Clothes! Books! Furniture! Gifts! Think of a magical world where you could drive up to Victoria Secret's menu and order a six pack of briefs, 2 miracle bras and a little something for dessert.

Here, take this for the road: