June Cleaver Nirvana

Today's "potluck" is super-sized. Guaranteed to cause artery cloggage and heartburn. Sounds super great...like you want more? Yeah! It's double the fun "potluck" day!

I am offering the following food for your pleasure consumption if you dare: mushy, multi-colored hard boiled eggs (you think I wouldn't serve such a thing?) and left over single serving mac & cheese (please don't ask why I have left-overs from a SINGLE serving). Mmmmmm....dig in. It's like I saved all the good food for another potluck. Weird.

Alrighty, Google has really been up to no good this week. I received a visitor who googled, "getting green grass", another "can't reach my feet how do I paint my toes" and a third, "funny definition of potluck". Yep, the great Google joke sending those poor readers here only to receive no help. Bad Google. I can't keep a houseplant alive, let alone grow green grass. Bad Google. I don't have the coordination to paint my own toes, let alone yours. Bad Google. I can't define potluck, let alone assure it is funny. Bad Google.

Once again the I.F.P.A. (Institute For Potluck Advancement) has the following super informative announcement:
Double your potluck, Double your fun!

Something that has made me laugh every time I think of it is Limbic Resonance's assessment of Target's new supermodel line. It is very ironic.

Every morning as a testament to great advertising, Rhett runs through the kitchen yelling, "ANCAKE UFF! ANCAKE UFF! ANCAKE UFF!" Which through careful mommy translation equals...of course, pancake puff. How can I turn the TV of his obsession off? I am about to have a pancake puff riot on my hand.

And now another message from the great brains of the IFPA:
Potluck, the ultimate driving machine
Holy crap, now they are ripping me off while I blatantly steal from others...they must be stopped.

I was thinking how grand it has been to have gone 7 years without a sitting in a useless committee meeting. Being a stay at home mom may have it's dull, idle moments, but none of them compare to sitting in a room with a bunch of people from work discussing a bunch of nothing only to vote on something inconsequential. Maybe I will hold one here at the house today just for the fun of it. I could be in charge because I am the mommy.

I am off to the land of IKEA today. This is good for you. I have never gone to IKEA without years worth of stories...so keep your fingers crossed that history repeats itself. (I am sure you will be RUSHING back tomorrow for that!)

Wow, that "potluck" was really fun. I just wish there was another one going on somewhere else...

Hip, hip hooooooooray for potluckday! Someday, dear reader you will turn to your children and say, "I remember when Potluckday used to be called Monday".

There is a little legal information that I am obligated to post. The I.F.P.A. (Institute For Potluck Advancement) has written me a letter containing a cease and desist order on my negative comments regarding their job performance. I have accepted. In exchange they are not posting last week's ACTUAL menu that I served to my family. That is blackmail fair.

I am contributing egg salad, eggs ala goldenrod over toast, hard boiled eggs and deviled eggs for the potluck today. Do not be disturbed by the altered color of these food items. They were made from the 3 dozen eggs my children colored. M'm. M'm good. Who doesn't love a pink and blue egg salad?



I received one dear reader this week from googling, "says I am abusive". Now, I want to clarify that I wasn't the one who said that. Good luck to you in your search. And to Google...thanks for throwing me under the bus.

Oh goody, the IFPA is presenting this on my behalf:
Potluck, exciting and new
Come Aboard. We're expecting you.
Potluck, life's sweetest reward.
Let it flow, it floats back to you.
The Potluck soon will be making another run
The Potluck promises something for everyone
Set a course for adventure,
Your mind on a new romance.
Potluck won't hurt anymore
It's an open smile on a friendly shore.
Yes Potluck! It's Potluck!
Potluck soon will be making another run
The Potluck promises something for everyone
Set a course for adventure,
Your mind on a new romance.
Potluck won't hurt anymore
It's an open smile on a friendly shore.
It's Potluck! It's Potluck! It's Potluck!
It's the Potluck-ah! It's the Potluck-ah!

This is what happens when a squirrel runs through my backyard:


Reid(4) has been hounding me to time him while brushing his teeth. They lost the three timers that the dentist gave them so I usually just tell the boys when to start and stop. Last night, exasperated I said, "why don't you just sing the ABC song in your head. When you finish, you can stop brushing your teeth." Reid replied, "how do you sing in your head?" So I tried to show him. I mouthed the words while bobbing my head. He watched a moment and then smiled widely saying, "I hear it!"

The strikingly handsome guys of the IFPA have requested that I post this definition of potluck. It was handed down in a ruling over at Rachael's after she posed the question if it was really a potluck if only tea was served. Their reply: "Any mention of food qualifies for potluck participation. Food is defined as any mention of something edible, something that might be edible or something perceived to be edible. All liquids used for drinking also qualify except for water.*
*Water qualifies when used as a meal replacement or as prescribed by a medical professional. For example: Rachael was too sick to eat, but took sips of WATER. In this case Rachel qualifies for potluck participation." As reported at Always Wanted 4 a potluck manual will be issued soon.


I was recently listening to XM radio in my minivan. They were playing Food Network shows like Rachel Ray and Sandra Lee. Let's take inventory on what senses are actually being used when LISTENING to the Food Network:
smell-nope
taste-nope
sight-nope
touch-nope
hearing-yep, but there really isn't much talking on some of those shows, all you hear is sizzle, bang, "Ooooo that looks great!", sizzle. bang. scrape. "mmmmm".
NOT EFFECTIVE PEOPLE! Who came up with this bright idea? What is next, audio fishing?

Meet my sweet Abilene...Is it coincidence or good taste? The coincidences continue with Jen this week after she received amazing news--Congratulations. You can now add Texas to the list of things we share...3 boys, radiology, bulldogs, being super cute...will the similarities ever end?

Please don't neglect my friends in the pink box. I still don't have a blogroll...I know! I know! So visit the hand-picked, laugh coffee out your nose choices updated constantly in the super-fab box to the right. That didn't sound quite right. I want to clarify that I don't actually hand pick the coffee out of your nose...

The first summer of physical therapy school is a big deal. It is THE summer of Gross Anatomy. Every morning was a four hour lecture. Every afternoon was a 4 hour cadaver lab. It was intense. It was stressful. It was fascinating. I soon found that I loved the art of dissection. I loved the lab. The following summer I enthusiastically accepted a position as a Gross Anatomy Lab Instructor for the incoming class. Every day was an 8+ hour day in the cadaver lab.

The lab had it's own environment. The smell of preservation chemicals permeated any item that was in the building. There was no removing the stench from clothing. After being there I got used to it. I had a set of clothes that was lab attire ONLY. I showered and washed my hair AFTER the day. Each morning I got up, put my hair in a pony tail, put on the designated stinky clothes and headed out the door.

At the end of the summer, the lab instructors joined the students for an end of anatomy class celebration. I showered, applied make-up, wore my hair down and put on normal clothing. I was NOT recognized by my own students. The students I had spent 4+ hours a day with the entire summer. After I re-introduced myself, one of them said with shock, "wow, your hair is actually kinda pretty!"

"I have this refrain about the monkey house at the zoo. When you first enter into the monkey house at the zoo, you think, ‘Oh my god this place stinks!’ And then after you’re there for 20 minutes you think, ‘it’s not so bad’ and after you’re there for an hour it doesn’t smell at all. And anyone entering the monkey house freshly thinks, ‘this stinks!’ You've been living in the monkey house." -Tim Gunn on Project Runway as advice to a contestant who was trimming his fashion line with human hair.

Have we as mommies lived in the monkey house of our appearance too long? Have we become unrecognizable as ourselves once we leave our home lab?

How are you to know if you are in the monkey house?
Good question! I have the answer for you (you are shocked, aren't you?).

You need to take the Holly's O.I.A.B.I.G.C.A.T.T. (Oh! I Accidentally Bumped Into George Clooney At Target Test). It is simple. It is effective. It is genius. Just pretend that whatever you are assessing (your hairstyle, purse, outfit, PJ's, sweat pants) will be seen tomorrow when you accidentally bump into George Clooney at Target. It is Target so no Oscar attire is necessary. It makes you think twice about that decision doesn't it? Would you have changed anything if you had advance notice that he would be there?

If we all used the OIABIGCATT system then we could officially call ourselves frump free, released from the monkey house and ready to join the living. Please visit Fussy and friends for more fight the frump.

Oh, and when you DO bump into George Clooney at Target, try to act surprised...

It is Friday. We are fighting the frump with Fussy. Today the Nirvana is talking purses. My purse.

I have not always been a purse participator. I didn't carry one until diaper transportation was a necessity. At first, I used a diaper bag with my wallet thrown in. Now I use a purse with the diapers thrown in. I have learned that life is too short and the diaper years too long to be toting a bag decorated with duckies and rainbows in various shades of blue.

To qualify for a position as my purse, you must have the following qualifications:
1. Must be able to stand upright when set on the floor or table.
2. Must have outside compartments that can carry a sippy cup, water bottle, keys, phone and camera.
3. Must have straps that can be slung over shoulder easily and comfortably. These straps must absolutely not slip off my shoulder when carrying child or bending over to pick something off the ground.
4. Must be closed on the top so if inverted the contents are not scattered.
5. Must be able to accommodate a file, manila folder and the calendar that hangs on my kitchen wall.
6. Must be neutral in color and attractive.
7. Must be a reasonable price.

Let's do an annual review on my current purse. It is vintage Target couture 2006. It retails for $19.99.

It stands on its own. It is neutral in color. It is reasonably attractive. It is large enough to hold essential gear. It has a zipper on the top so contents are secure. It's straps are comfortable and stay in place as I move.
I love the side pockets on this purse. They can accommodate a baby bottle, water bottle or sippy cup. They also can carry my phone and camera tightly.
I use a clip for my keys that is easily attached to the strap. I know this is not exactly frump-free, but cut me some slack here. I need quick and easy access. With the keys in this position I can lock/unlock the car while walking away/to the car while carrying a child and yelling at the other two to stay out of traffic.

This purse has met all qualifications. This purse has been a loyal worker. This purse is 2 years old and needs to train a replacement. I have been searching for a replacement, but have not found many qualified candidates.

Now let's explore my E.H.S.F.I.P.C.C. (Elaborate Holly System For Interior Purse Clutter Control). EHSFIPCC is a compartment system that allows for groups of items to be added and subtracted from the purse with minimal thought on my rushing mommy brain. Not all compartments get the pleasure of traveling on each outing. It is a privilege, not a right to be in my purse. Here are the hopeful travelers:
Listed clockwise from the 12 o'clock position:
1. Orange super wallet. See below for details.
2. Large paper compartment. It carries coupons, directions, papers picked up on a trip, papers needed for a trip. It can hold an 8 1/2 x 11 piece of paper without folding or crumpling. I go through it often to discard out of date coupons, receipts, etc. that tend to accumulate.
3. Diapees & Wipees. This is one of my very favorite things in the whole world. They come in pretty fabrics and hold 2-4 diapers and a travel wipe container. When the boys were a bit younger, I had one set aside for each boy. The older boy's contained a change of underwear and an extra pair of shorts. They were all different fabrics so I could easily grab the ones I needed for a particular outing. I also want to add that I have given up the notion that everything related to the boy's diapers needs to be blue and child-like. I have chosen Diapees & Wipees that I like. I have several pretty pink ones *gasp, she has 3 boys!* because I like pink and I am the one that has to lug it around.
4. Tech compartment. This has my ipod and ear phones, portable video games or any other item I may be toting for myself or others.
5. Hand-washing center. This compartment has hand sanitizer and lotion.
6. Ziploc bag central. It is my belief that you can not have too many Ziploc bags in your purse. I use them for diaper disposal when out. I use them to create new purse compartments on the go. I use them to carry wet anything.

I love my wallet. It is so compact and orange. It replaced a wallet nearly twice it's size. It is also a Target find (currently on sale for $4.99). The many sections in the fan create oodles of organized space for credit cards, all those store-specific buying cards, gift cards, library cards, etc.
Here are a few items that escaped the EHSFIPCC sorting process and made their way to the bottom of my purse. Non-conformers. They will suffer the consequences of their actions...