June Cleaver Nirvana

Last week I asked you to identify these:
front

Back--


They were made for me by a reader who was inspired to improve my beaver trapping experience. This will all make much more sense if you know that story--well maybe not.

And so the contest was born.

And then your comments began.

And then I could be found on my floor rolling with laughter.

And then I thought maybe I should share some of your answers.

So here, in no particular order (except I am saving the winner(s) for last) are YOUR answers:



Should I use them as a shirt accessory to keep the buttons from gapping? I usually wear my shorty pajamas when trapping so I might not use the shirt...



Should they decorate my fruit bowl? No, it is too dark to fully appreciate how pretty they are...

Would they make a headband to keep the hair out of my eyes? I tried it, but then the beads were then in my eyes...



I could wrap them around trees to either distract the golfers from what I am wearing, mark a territory in which I could wear less clothes or mark trees that are appropriate for beaver felling. I am worried that I might get in trouble with the HOA...



Should they be used to decorate my purse organizer? Pretty, but overkill...



Could I use them to muzzle a beaver? Please note that this is not an actual beaver (no actual beavers were harmed and yes, that is Holly's fruitbowl)...

I agree that it would best be used to muzzle the professional trapper. But that doesn't seem very likely...



Would the best use be beaver collars? I could even tell what beavers were previously trapped. What a useful beaver sorting system...



It could be a whip for snakes and turtles. The rattle might even scare away rattle snakes! I am all for whipping and scaring, but would like them field tested before actual use...

Should I use them to caulk my bathroom sink? None of my bathrooms are pink...



I could apply them to the snakes so they would be cuter and less frightening. Please note that this is not an actual snake (no snakes were harmed) and an actual snake may be larger then it appears...



I could apply it to my forehead to protect it from my minivan. Or just put it on the corner of my minivan door to cushion my head against further injury. That might save me some pain...

Pasties?
Maxi pad decorations?
To keep my boobs from falling out of my top?
Garters?
A waxing tool?
I am sparing you the photos on all of those (you can thank me very much)...



Should they be used to entice beavers into the trap? Please note this is not an actual beaver trap (no beaver traps were harmed)...

Wait!

Wait!

Wait!




THIS IS finally THE ACTUAL INTENTION of the gift! Julie made them to adorn the hem of my shorty pajamas (Jennifer H was the first one to guess this).

So sweet! I am afraid the trim might not wear well on the pjs, so I have decided to do this...





I am using them to trim my snake fighting boots (Veronica was the first to guess this).


I think I will be the fashion envy of the beaver trapping world...





Thanks Julie for such a fun gift. And in true Nirvana style, I beat it like a dead horse.

So Jennifer H and Veronica will split the prize since no one got the two part question right.

If you are dressing for non-beaver trapping related activities, please visit Fussy for more fight the frump.

PS--Please excuse me if I missed your link or I linked you to the wrong thing. I was suffering from link fatigue...

Today is a challenge.

Your mission if you choose to accept it is to identify this:
Front--

Back--

Details--They are each 22 inches long and 3 inches wide. The white strip seen on the back can be peeled away to reveal adhesive.

I will be rewarding the first person who correctly leaves a comment
1) identifing the items in the picture
2) guessing how I am going to them
with a $20 Amazon.com gift certificate via email...

Do NOT despair if you are here late. This is not an easy mission if you choose to accept it. The mission will end 6/19/08 at 1:00 AM CST. I will announce the winner next Friday. You are ineligible to play if I have shown these to you in real life!

Hints:
1) These items were hand made for me.
2) They were made by someone who met me through/reads my blog (Thanks Julie!).
3) They were inspired by this post.
4) I will use them on all future beaver trapping expeditions.
5) I will use them in a way that is different then the original intention.

Good luck! For tips on how to further fight the frump...go visit Fussy!

In honor of Mrs. Fussypants' delivery of her 5th boy. (Yes, you read that correctly...FIVE ), I present the following:


*Please note that I can't be certain that she dresses all her boys in matching outfits.
**Please note that I can't be certain that her husband dresses in coordination with the boys.
***Please note that under the swaddling blanket the littlest Fussypant/Smartypant addition does match the other boys.
****Please note that Fussy is wearing skinny jeans home from the hospital because you can do that when you are a stick figure.

Karla is hosting Fussy's Fight the Frump this week at her place.

Happy Friday Frump-No-Mores!

Today we are expanding on our lesson from last week. Because here at the Nirvana, I aim to beat a dead horse explore frump fighting to it's fullest. Last week we discussed how a room full of dead people and a house full of monkeys inspired me to stalk George Clooney at Target. All right, that may not have been the best summary, but I have a short attention span.

I started working on this post yesterday afternoon. Well, not actually THIS post because what I was working on was even worse then THIS so I dumped it. BUT in the middle of my brilliant thought a very LOUD sound enveloped my house. FIRE ALARM. Not just one, but all the smoke detectors were going off. I ran upstairs and grabbed my children and ran outside to designated meeting place in case of fire. No smoke. No fire. Very loud noise. I finally called the fire department's NON-emergency number and explained what was happening. 4 minutes later sirens blaring the fire truck arrived with 5 firemen in full fire gear. 4 minutes later the ambulance was on the scene with 2 more men jumping out of emergency vehicle. So, in the course of 10 minutes I now had 7 of our city's bravest searching my house (crap! my closet) and reporting back to me. It was not George Clooney, but really...I was glad I wasn't clothed in fuzzy robe and slippers.*

This week in Colorado another almost-George Clooney moment happened over at Eat, Play, Love when fellow frump fighters holding a play date ended up on the evening news. It turned out great because they looked just adorable, but it makes you think...what would happen if news cameras found you at the park?

So how do you become O.I.A.B.I.G.C.A.T. (Oh! I Accidentally Bumped Into George Clooney At Target) ready?

I will take my inspiration from one of the greatest films of all time. A cinematic masterpiece. A movie with few rivals: What About Bob? Yes, What About Bob! Bob is diagnosed crazy, but an excellent therapy student. He constantly reminds himself out loud and under his breath through just about any task, "Baby steps, baby steps to the...." Baby steps is what we need! Baby steps ensures that change happens slowly. Baby steps keeps wild swings in check. Baby steps helps keep clothing budgets under control.

Today's baby step I am advocating is T-shirt replacement. One of the mommy staples is the plain T-shirt or the slogan T-shirt *shudder*. Bye, bye slogan T's. Now let's make a plan upgrade the plain ones...

I am shopping for plain t-shirt alternatives. I want to find things that just step-up the style without giving up comfort.

Consider exhibit A:
This is an eyelet shirt from Target (I think it was $17.99). Please excuse the wrinkles...I pulled it out of the laundry to photograph it. I doubt Martha Stewart has ever done that. Anyway, I have washed it multiple times. It washes really well, requires no ironing, is really comfortable and an upgrade from my usual T-shirt.

Consider exhibit B:
This is a polo shirt by Bitten. It retails for $7.99. Karla introduced this line in one of the first Fight the Frump Fridays. I was very skeptical because I have a long torso and ANY shrinkage will cause an ordinary shirt to become a belly shirt on me. I have washed this several times and it still fits like it did the first time. I love the sleeves. They have a little gathering on the top to make it a bit more feminine.

Please join Fussy and friends for more fight the frump. Please look to upgrade your t-shirts. Please let me know if you run into George Clooney or a suitable replacement...


*The conclusion of that story was the the fire chief saying, "Hmmmm. We have never seen anything quite like that. You need to get an electrician out to see why the alarms are activated." That isn't good news. Thank God I looked cute.

The first summer of physical therapy school is a big deal. It is THE summer of Gross Anatomy. Every morning was a four hour lecture. Every afternoon was a 4 hour cadaver lab. It was intense. It was stressful. It was fascinating. I soon found that I loved the art of dissection. I loved the lab. The following summer I enthusiastically accepted a position as a Gross Anatomy Lab Instructor for the incoming class. Every day was an 8+ hour day in the cadaver lab.

The lab had it's own environment. The smell of preservation chemicals permeated any item that was in the building. There was no removing the stench from clothing. After being there I got used to it. I had a set of clothes that was lab attire ONLY. I showered and washed my hair AFTER the day. Each morning I got up, put my hair in a pony tail, put on the designated stinky clothes and headed out the door.

At the end of the summer, the lab instructors joined the students for an end of anatomy class celebration. I showered, applied make-up, wore my hair down and put on normal clothing. I was NOT recognized by my own students. The students I had spent 4+ hours a day with the entire summer. After I re-introduced myself, one of them said with shock, "wow, your hair is actually kinda pretty!"

"I have this refrain about the monkey house at the zoo. When you first enter into the monkey house at the zoo, you think, ‘Oh my god this place stinks!’ And then after you’re there for 20 minutes you think, ‘it’s not so bad’ and after you’re there for an hour it doesn’t smell at all. And anyone entering the monkey house freshly thinks, ‘this stinks!’ You've been living in the monkey house." -Tim Gunn on Project Runway as advice to a contestant who was trimming his fashion line with human hair.

Have we as mommies lived in the monkey house of our appearance too long? Have we become unrecognizable as ourselves once we leave our home lab?

How are you to know if you are in the monkey house?
Good question! I have the answer for you (you are shocked, aren't you?).

You need to take the Holly's O.I.A.B.I.G.C.A.T.T. (Oh! I Accidentally Bumped Into George Clooney At Target Test). It is simple. It is effective. It is genius. Just pretend that whatever you are assessing (your hairstyle, purse, outfit, PJ's, sweat pants) will be seen tomorrow when you accidentally bump into George Clooney at Target. It is Target so no Oscar attire is necessary. It makes you think twice about that decision doesn't it? Would you have changed anything if you had advance notice that he would be there?

If we all used the OIABIGCATT system then we could officially call ourselves frump free, released from the monkey house and ready to join the living. Please visit Fussy and friends for more fight the frump.

Oh, and when you DO bump into George Clooney at Target, try to act surprised...

It is Friday. We are fighting the frump with Fussy. Today the Nirvana is talking purses. My purse.

I have not always been a purse participator. I didn't carry one until diaper transportation was a necessity. At first, I used a diaper bag with my wallet thrown in. Now I use a purse with the diapers thrown in. I have learned that life is too short and the diaper years too long to be toting a bag decorated with duckies and rainbows in various shades of blue.

To qualify for a position as my purse, you must have the following qualifications:
1. Must be able to stand upright when set on the floor or table.
2. Must have outside compartments that can carry a sippy cup, water bottle, keys, phone and camera.
3. Must have straps that can be slung over shoulder easily and comfortably. These straps must absolutely not slip off my shoulder when carrying child or bending over to pick something off the ground.
4. Must be closed on the top so if inverted the contents are not scattered.
5. Must be able to accommodate a file, manila folder and the calendar that hangs on my kitchen wall.
6. Must be neutral in color and attractive.
7. Must be a reasonable price.

Let's do an annual review on my current purse. It is vintage Target couture 2006. It retails for $19.99.

It stands on its own. It is neutral in color. It is reasonably attractive. It is large enough to hold essential gear. It has a zipper on the top so contents are secure. It's straps are comfortable and stay in place as I move.
I love the side pockets on this purse. They can accommodate a baby bottle, water bottle or sippy cup. They also can carry my phone and camera tightly.
I use a clip for my keys that is easily attached to the strap. I know this is not exactly frump-free, but cut me some slack here. I need quick and easy access. With the keys in this position I can lock/unlock the car while walking away/to the car while carrying a child and yelling at the other two to stay out of traffic.

This purse has met all qualifications. This purse has been a loyal worker. This purse is 2 years old and needs to train a replacement. I have been searching for a replacement, but have not found many qualified candidates.

Now let's explore my E.H.S.F.I.P.C.C. (Elaborate Holly System For Interior Purse Clutter Control). EHSFIPCC is a compartment system that allows for groups of items to be added and subtracted from the purse with minimal thought on my rushing mommy brain. Not all compartments get the pleasure of traveling on each outing. It is a privilege, not a right to be in my purse. Here are the hopeful travelers:
Listed clockwise from the 12 o'clock position:
1. Orange super wallet. See below for details.
2. Large paper compartment. It carries coupons, directions, papers picked up on a trip, papers needed for a trip. It can hold an 8 1/2 x 11 piece of paper without folding or crumpling. I go through it often to discard out of date coupons, receipts, etc. that tend to accumulate.
3. Diapees & Wipees. This is one of my very favorite things in the whole world. They come in pretty fabrics and hold 2-4 diapers and a travel wipe container. When the boys were a bit younger, I had one set aside for each boy. The older boy's contained a change of underwear and an extra pair of shorts. They were all different fabrics so I could easily grab the ones I needed for a particular outing. I also want to add that I have given up the notion that everything related to the boy's diapers needs to be blue and child-like. I have chosen Diapees & Wipees that I like. I have several pretty pink ones *gasp, she has 3 boys!* because I like pink and I am the one that has to lug it around.
4. Tech compartment. This has my ipod and ear phones, portable video games or any other item I may be toting for myself or others.
5. Hand-washing center. This compartment has hand sanitizer and lotion.
6. Ziploc bag central. It is my belief that you can not have too many Ziploc bags in your purse. I use them for diaper disposal when out. I use them to create new purse compartments on the go. I use them to carry wet anything.

I love my wallet. It is so compact and orange. It replaced a wallet nearly twice it's size. It is also a Target find (currently on sale for $4.99). The many sections in the fan create oodles of organized space for credit cards, all those store-specific buying cards, gift cards, library cards, etc.
Here are a few items that escaped the EHSFIPCC sorting process and made their way to the bottom of my purse. Non-conformers. They will suffer the consequences of their actions...

Yeah for Friday! Today's installation will be a little potluck, A LOT Fight the Frump. Please join the worldwide tour by visiting our precious tour guide, Fussy.


Last night blog-Stedman and I went shopping. I was in desperate need of some clothes to adequately cover my shapely body. I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable with what I was wearing...almost a little exhibitionistic. Blog-Stedman was there to help me with the technical aspects of shopping. The shopping trip began with a good set of jeans. I chose them in a dark grey color so they would be a little different, but neutral. I then chose an embellished T-shirt that could be dressed up or down. It was the footwear that caused the marital discord. We seemed to be in an argument over what shoes I finally chose. I was happy with my current athletic gear and he preferred heels. Heels? Heels? Try walking a mile in my shoes now... I finally relented when he made the very good point that we were only VIRTUALLY shopping for my Rock Star Avatar and I wouldn't ACTUALLY have to WALK in them. I feel better now that during rock concerts my only three biggest fans won't be ogling me in a denim skirt that barely covers the essentials and fishnets. Rock on.


One of the books I am currently reading is "Just Try it On" by Susan Redstone. I thought this was an interesting tidbit for modest shoppers:

"If you are the type of person who prefers clothing that shows less skin, even in the warmer months of summer, pick as much of your summer wear in the spring as possible because by July the clothing in the stores becomes very skimpy because of the hot weather."


If you have been up nights worried about what I wore to last week's play date. Pictures and a report are posted here.


Well, I am off to get dressed. I have no idea what to wear. The weather pattern here has been 80 degrees, snow, 70 degrees, SNOW AGAIN!, so I guess if the pattern holds I need to pick out a nice pair of shorts to go with my winter coat...

Ever since Fussy started Fight the Frump Fridays, Fridays have been fabulous (the after pictures of last week's beauty alteration are posted here and please notice I am wearing earrings by Fussy!). Hmmmm...coincidence or Fussy's own take on The Secret?. I don't know, but I am just living the dream. Here is what is on the Nirvana schedule today:

5:30--3 boys wake up
6:30--3 boys are ALLOWED out of bed
7:30--breakfast
9:00--grandma comes over (Yeah!)
9:30--1st grader goes to school, grandma stays with 4 y/o because....
2 y/o and mommy go to play date with blog-goddess and fellow Texas dweller Anglophile Football Fanatic...

I know! Pretty exciting. Almost takes the sting out of the whole 5:30 three boys wake up thing. Yep, now for the real question that has brought about this post...

What am I going to wear? I have never met her in person so I would like to come across friendly without a hint of stalker. I would like to appear capable but not overdone. I would like to look current without being too-trendy. AND I would like to pull this off out of my current wardrobe because going early to the mall, buying something and changing in the minivan doesn't fit into my schedule (and is a little creepy). The challenge escalates because we both recently threw out 1/2 our wardrobes and haven't been to the mall since that time.

I have been addicted to What Not to Wear, Tim Gunn's Guide to Style, Oprah's make-over extravaganzas and pretty much any reality show with a big reveal. One of the things these shows have in common is they talk about mixing and matching, but don't address core wardrobe. Tim Gunn has his essential list, but I find for me in mommy-mode it is quite a bit more dressed up then I am willing to maintain on a daily basis. I have lived 38 years without a little black dress *gasp* and figure my money is better spent on something I would use weekly.

So, I am in the testing stages of rolling out "Holly's slot machine wardrobe system". Fancy, eh? Classy too! Think of your basics as the three rows on a slot machine. The top row would be tops, the middle row bottoms and the bottom row shoes. At the minimum you would need 3 in each row, but eventually you may want the top row to have a few more choices. If you think of the rows when you are shopping you will find yourself choosing things that coordinate with your existing wardrobe. My choice has been to keep the bottoms neutral in color and use more pattern and color in the tops and the shoes. This allows for more different combinations of the same key pieces. I find that my bottom row expands at a much faster speed because of the ease of trying on shoes vs. actual clothes with 3 boys at the mall, but by using the slot machine system I can help keep my shopping in check. The slot machine would be just core pieces. Accessories, coats and other things don't appear. Testing phase people! If this takes off, future Frump posts may include "accessory roulette" or "outer wear blackjack".

These are my mommy play date slot machine choices...Let's give it a whirl:
Let's pick a winner...

What is the winning combination today? Simple. Whatever is clean.

Last week I went with a girlfriend to have our make-up done at a local department store. It was a very nice department store. So nice that I had never even been inside it.

We ate lunch at a chic bistro and walked down to Barney's for our 1 pm appt. We were seeing Jeff who was a traveling MAC rep. and wizard of all things make-up. She sat down in Jeff's chair first and I sat down for face preparation work with one of Jeff's assistant. We were treated like queens and were laughing and joking so much that periodically make-up application ceased to allow us to double over. Jeff finished with my friend's make-up and she looked glamorous. I sat down in his chair. He took a look straight in my face:
Jeff: *serious inhale gasp* Girl, who does your brows?
me: nobody
Jeff: *hand to heart, stepping back in horror* Can I fix that for you?
me: I'll take all the help I can get
Jeff: *scrambling for tweezers* I used to shape brows and have in my mind exactly what you need
me: great
Jeff: *still scrambling for tweezers, now frantically* Where are my tweezers?

At this point a full on tweezers hunt in Barney's was on. Jeff had left his out of his make-up bag. Every other make-up artist in the store was now searching fervently for their tweezers. When this resulted in no tweezers a discussion group ensued about where to go PURCHASE tweezers in the mall. Then Jeff had a light bulb moment:

Jeff: Oh, I forgot! I am in Dallas. My little button is just down the hall!

He raced to the phone and made a call. It was a fashion 911 call to his little button. He returned triumphant in the news. "My little button can fit you in RIGHT NOW, but we have to get moving." So, Jeff and his assistant, my dear friend and I parade out of Barney's little button bound. I have to admit that I had no idea what was going on at this point, but it was an adventure and I was obviously in serious need of this attention.

Little button turned out to be a very nice make-up artist at the mall Lancombe store who had worked previously with Jeff. She drew, waxed, plucked and primped the heck out of my brows and when she was done she spun my chair around and huge sigh of relief erupted in the room. I had been saved from my low maintenance ways. It was fixed. The make-over could now continue...

Which it did and when completed I looked super fabulous. Yeah!

Yeah! It's fight the frump Friday with Fussy!

I am really bad about nail polish. I love it, but am not very coordinated. I have found that my skills are only useful on my feet. When I attempt painting my fingernails, I am fine for 5 and then things go messingly awry. So, I stick with the toes. I need to keep up with it better hence this post.

Before:
After:
Yep, already better. But you say, it is the middle of the winter! No one is going to see them. Why bother? I need the practice. I need the practice painting. I need the practice keeping up with it. I need the practice because I found these on an off season huge blow out sale at Last Call:
But those are just a pair of brown Jesus sandals, big deal? I think not. I have been searching for the perfect pair of mommy sandals for summer use. It has been a 2 year exhaustive search of shoe stores all over the country. Here are the guidelines:
1. Have to be cute--duh.
2. Have to have comfortable sole to be able to walk for miles--duh.
3. Have to have some sort of strap so they will stay on my feet--duh.
4. Have to be neutral in color so can be worn with any summer outfit--duh.
5. Can't be clunky--duh.
6. Have to be affordable so it doesn't jeapordize a purchasing summer wardrobe to go with the greatest mommy sandals ever--duh.

Alright, after writing that out it appears all those points are obvious, but transition that list to the mall and sometimes things aren't as easy as it sounds. So here is my really AFTER:

Oh how the stars have aligned today perfectly for me to have anything something cohesive to blog. January 1, 2008: I write new year's resolutions to increase sightings of Snazzy Holly. 1 week ago: I arranged for a pick up of my crap used items by the Salvation Army. Yesterday: I watched Oprah. Today: the pick up is happening. Today: is the inaugural Fight the Frump with Fussy. See how the plan has come together?

Surely you didn't miss Oprah yesterday with Peter Walsh, but if you are not squarely in her ideal demographic like I am here is the bottom line: The same things that make your house fat and messy make you fat and messy.
So, this morning instead of feeding my children I rushed through my closet for 10 minutes grabbing out the fat to add to my Salvation Army pick up pile.
This was just a spur of the moment sort. I only grabbed things that I hadn't worn in over a year or disliked. I just grabbed and stuffed into bags. No deep decisions, no mulling over each item, no givers remorse. I just grabbed and stuffed.
So, two large garbage bags later my closet is at least 20 pounds lighter. Not bad for a 10 minute diet.