June Cleaver Nirvana

Background information: I have been blogging for over a year now. While most of my friends and family have been subjected to reading this blog, one person has refused. That person is my husband, blog-Stedman.



I got the phone call.

The phone call I had been expecting for some time, but it still caught me off guard.

Hello?

Hi. I have been reading your blog...

*freeze*

*act natural!*

Oh, really?

Yes. I didn't know you liked to play games with people in elevators.

Ya, I guess that isn't something someone easily works into conversation. I have been telling you that you might learn something about me if you read the blog.

I don't want to learn anything! I live your blog.

*change the subject!*

So what are you reading?

I was trying to find pictures of Rhett dressed as a chicken to show some people at work. I figured you would have those on your blog.

*insert Holly's instructions on how to use lijit search box to right here*
*mention Chicken of the Week*

Thanks. The blog is funny. You write a lot of stuff.

Thanks.

But I can't read it. It drives me crazy. I can't take it.

Can't take WHAT? I have left off your image or anything negative about you! You are often the hero of the story!

It isn't that. It is your grammar. And the misspellings. And the messed up capitalization. You need an editor.

YOU are my editor, but you have refused to read the blog!

Good point.

I thought I was doing pretty well. I mean I write A LOT OF STUFF! Tell me what is wrong. I will go fix it when I get home. That is the beauty of the blog...it can be changed, updated, edited at a later date. It isn't like a printed page that can't be changed! I need your help.

Well, I did write out this list...


And so dear reader, the Nirvana archives are undergoing an overhaul. I am listening to blog-Stedman. I may even give him a peek before I hit publish if he is feeling strong enough to handle all my mistakes...

You are now visiting www.junecleavernirvana.com.

I feel all grown up and .commy!

I am so giddy that I can't write straight.

Head over to Five Star Friday for some coherent posts.

Hi honey, I'm home!

Notice anything different?

To the right?

To the left?

Up?

Down?

I know! I know! I am in love with my new place. It has the right balance between color and black and white, retro and today, perkiness and angst (OK, it might be a little light on the angst, but who needs a whole bunch of angst anyway?).

Can I just say that Nap Warden is the most patient, long-suffering, capable, level-headed, creative person I have worked with in a very long time.

And NICE. So NICE. Probably too NICE. She could write a giant essay...maybe even a book about what a pain I have been about this.

Here is my side of the story. I love my blog. I loved the way it looked but wanted to make a change. I wanted my blog to scream "HOLLY!".

Nap Warden did an amazing job. She designed a fabulous look that I ALMOST had her install last week. Then at the last minute I changed my mind...

And then started at square one again. She was so sweet that her obvious head banging and cursing in the general direction of Texas did not translate in her emails.

After another week of emails, scans, links and marker drawings, this is what we came up with.

I love it.

This is what a visual scream "HOLLY!" looks like (today).

Thank you Nap Warden. I will release you from any designer-client privilege to tell your tale of woe. You might even want to develop some sort of screening process to assure you never have another high-maintenance-like-Holly client.

We are She is not done. We have several more things that are being added:

-I will be all official at my very own .com address
-I will have Feedburner installed properly (unlike the unsuccessful attempts of my past)
-I will have email subscriptions available (mom)
-I am changing to Haloscan for comments so that I can more easily track you down
-and a few more things that hopefully will make things easier

Please hang in there while the kinks are worked out.

And go visit Nap Warden who will be very available in a few days. After me, you will be a breeze...

Today is my 200th post. I am amazed because it really only feels like 175. I started this madness last November. I had never read a blog when I started. My how times have changed.

Thank you so much for visiting. To celebrate today's momentous post I am going to review the last 200 posts by hitting a few highlights as tagged by Jennifer H from the magically written Thursday Drive.

Rules: Go back through your archives and post the links to your five favorite blog posts that you’ve written.

Link one must be about family
Link two must be about friends
Link three must be about yourself
Link four must be about something you love
Link five can be about anything you choose

Post your five links and then tag five other people. At least two of the people you tag must be newer acquaintances so that you get to know each other better.

1. This one is for my sister-in-law. I was feeling bad about "recycling" the bridesmaid dress from her wedding as a Halloween costume until she told me that she had posted this picture of me on her computer.
2. This is when I went to get a make-over with a friend. If you have visited me in the past it was probably to this post. It has been my most popular by far. If you visit it today, please leave a comment.
3. This is what happened when my love affair with my minivan went sour.
4. This shows that I have better luck with husbands then minivans.
5. This is my absolute favorite post. It is my #1 out of 200 and still makes me laugh.

I am tagging (for those who would like to play): Anglophile Football Fanatic, Burgh Baby, Domestic Accident, Monkeys & Princesses, and Momo Fali. Please forgive me if you have recently done this.

I blog to be certain that every life situation is attended to with the adequate amount of suburban angst. I blog to record. I blog to amuse myself. I blog on...

Dear blog-Stedman,
You have known me for 18 1/2 years now and that has given you a long and persuasive argument that I ride the short bus in the technology department. You have always set up the new computers, TVs, TiVos, Replay TVs, VCRs, DVD players, Sonos, video games, and many other black boxes with buttons that I can't name. It is true I interact with Comcast, DirectTV, and Time Warner after you tell me what to say, but even their 19 year old phone bank employee sitting in India named "Bob" knows that I am a fake. I am requesting further inservice on our equipment. This is what I need to know how to do:
1. I would like to be able to change the channels on the TV.
2. I would like to record Project Runway once a week, but could give 24 hr. notice.
3. I would like to be able to make and receive phone calls on both my home and cell phone.
4. I would like to be able to get on the computer to write a blog and read other's.

Is that too much to ask? Really, compared to all the tasks that are possible with our electronic set-up, I am a simple girl.

I am writing because today I am 1/4 on my list. I think it is obvious that I have only been able to access my blog. My home phone isn't working in my bathroom, my Project Runway didn't record last week and most disturbingly, I AM UNABLE TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL ON THE TV for the boys. Great, they are subjected to another "A Baby Story"--that won't come back to haunt us later. I have tried the 6 remotes at the TV, switched the input, cross-identified the 6 remotes at the TV, switched the input, held my tongue out while balancing on one leg while entertaining 3 boys about to witness a live screen birth, turn down the sound (because all that screaming is disturbing to me as well) and nothing. I give up...Oh, good...another episode of "A Baby Story"...

With love and irritated kisses,
Holly

Here is an approved pictures from the carriage ride party . Thanks to Little Faces Photography, my eyes are not fully closed in this one. I even have one of the carriage and horses that looks like a carriage and horses that I would totally post if I could figure out how to post more than one picture at a time without having crazy spatial problems. By the way, blog-Stedman had to work that night and was not just being paparazzi-shy.

So, Jodi volunteered cottage cheese loaf for the potluck and I am bringing my grandma's famous garbanzo taffy. I just have a little advice that you might want to skip the food and head right for the beverages.

I have decided to stop living on the edge. As a declaration to the world to that effect, I filled up my gas tank on Monday when the gauge wasn't even within 3/16 of the "E" position. It occurred to me that it wouldn't be much fun, very safe or even super responsible of me to run out of gas with a minivan full of kids. It is not that I chose to be this way. I was born and reared this way. I feel fully confident throwing my dad under the bus for this one, especially since he was the hero of my last story. My dad, and I am not exaggerating in this area, has never filled up a gas tank that is not already running on fumes. I remember car trips across the country (these stories will be saved for other blogs when I have ALOT more time) in which my mom lead us in fervent prayer that a gas station could miraculously appear in the middle of West Texas, West Nebraska, Southern Oregon, anywhere in Utah or seriously northern California. The only time in my whole life that I have run out of gas was when I borrowed my dad's car and COULDN'T EVEN MAKE IT THE 2 MILES TO THE GAS STATION! I don't even need a big bill and a couch to figure this one out...it is not my fault! Fast forward to blog-Stedman's side of the story. Blog-Stedman fills up the car any time that it is around the 1/2 full mark (which prior to kids I just felt was the hugest waste of time). So whenever he drives my car he ends up filling it up because of course it is 1/2 full or lower, much lower. This drives him literally insane and while that is entertaining (and I save myself a trip to the pump) it isn't nice or responsible. I have figured out with this simple step toward adulthood I get a bonus of improving my marriage. Here's to spending less then $50 every time I fill up!

I have been working on my Christmas cards for 132 days now (that may be a slight exaggeration in physical time, but not mental time which totally counts!)...it is NEVER going to end. The problem is that I am trying to coordinate/consolidate/collate/perpetuate/ridiculate my list to one concise and comprehensive list. When this is completed angels will sing, nutcrackers will dance and hell will have frozen over. I know enough about creating printed label lists to be doing my cards by hand from 4 different lists and the envelopes of cards I receive. Hint, hint: get your card to me early and receive your card in time for Christmas! In my dreams, after the holiday season I will have entered everyone's complete information, including email address and phone number into my phone which can be sync'd for label prep. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm hanging onto the dream...

Today I feel right with the blog world. After much tinkering and research, I have accomplished the centering of my header...Yeah! Please take a deep breath and enjoy the symmetry.

Greg, who is now calling himself my blog-Stedman, purchased a plug in vaporizor thing to help with stuffy noses. When he plugged it in last night we found that it also had a blue nightlight which cannot be turned off independently. This is where I go all high-maintenance...a bedroom should be completely dark. No nightlight. No light from electronic devicesssss. No light from security system key pads. No light from the moon coming in through the blackout shades. No light whatsoever! So the vaporizer cast a blue light throughout the room causing dreams that I was sleeping on aisle 3 of K-Mart.

Please note the slide show at the bottom of my blog. It was quite the learning experience for me and quite a lofty achievement from my non-tech brain. I am finding that in order to keep up with my creative side in 2007, I must continue in tech training. People who call my cell phone just realize that they will be likely hung up on at some point in time. I have accepted that I can't run my fancy phone (even with Kelby & White's 219 page "The iPhone Book" which I have carefully studied and I should have posted on my reading list). It is my opinion that this whole computer thing has gotten out of control. I think that originally things were done a certain way because of primitive computers and now that things COULD be easier they are now more complicated because they have to do it the way people are used to doing it PLUS adding a bunch of new features with new ways to control them and together it all doesn't make sense. Give me a break--start from scratch and then give me a call (and I will try not to hang up on you).

I am calling for a class action law suit against the inventor of the snow globe. I have now cleaned up the remains of TWO broken snow globes in the last 15 minutes (yes, you read that correctly). The whole idea is flawed. Who thought it would be a good idea to place water and glitter inside a very flimsy and slick piece of spherical glass, put the musicbox winder under the base and then encourage shaking? Kids cannot keep their hands off these things and obviously mine don't have the coordination to handle it. You will be able to see the residual glitter stuck permanently into my distressed wood floors for years to come. The good news is that there are only 2 more snow globes to go...

I want to publicly announce that my yoga teacher is trying to kill me--just in case anything happens...I started yoga about 4 years ago for the childcare at the gym. I chose yoga because I don't like to sweat (OK, that is 2 of my high-maintenance tendencies in one blog which seems a bit much for one morning...). I continued it because I always feel better when I leave then when I came in. I like the fun and chatty yoga classes, not the militant zen ones. Unfortunately for me, the further you get into yoga the harder it becomes. And the whole sweating thing...I am now going to hot yoga (not the crazy Bikram kind) but it is hot and well you can fill in the rest.

Last night was good TV night. We watched The Amazing Race--my team is still in it, but last at this point and blog-Stedman's was eliminated last night which was awesome for me, but undeserved for them. I then had this week's Project Runway on RePlay and watched that as well. I still don't have a favorite on that show, but would wear the top two designs last night in a minute (WHOA...high-maintenance tendency #3...I better just stop here).

I just successfully posted my picture in my profile. I know that is supposed to be easy, but that was not my experience. The Beta Blogging for Dummies was not quite dummed-down enough for me. Just a suggestion to the Dummie people, highlight what the heck you are talking about in the examples! The cryptic suggestion to look closely at a full paragraph of jibberish didn't sink in for the first few hours of this quest. You really meant CLOSELY because there are only 4 character differences that seem to make a world of difference. Anyway, most who are reading this probably could have answered this question in their sleep...but for me a victory!