Dear blog-Stedman,
You have known me for 18 1/2 years now and that has given you a long and persuasive argument that I ride the short bus in the technology department. You have always set up the new computers, TVs, TiVos, Replay TVs, VCRs, DVD players, Sonos, video games, and many other black boxes with buttons that I can't name. It is true I interact with Comcast, DirectTV, and Time Warner after you tell me what to say, but even their 19 year old phone bank employee sitting in India named "Bob" knows that I am a fake. I am requesting further inservice on our equipment. This is what I need to know how to do:
1. I would like to be able to change the channels on the TV.
2. I would like to record Project Runway once a week, but could give 24 hr. notice.
3. I would like to be able to make and receive phone calls on both my home and cell phone.
4. I would like to be able to get on the computer to write a blog and read other's.

Is that too much to ask? Really, compared to all the tasks that are possible with our electronic set-up, I am a simple girl.

I am writing because today I am 1/4 on my list. I think it is obvious that I have only been able to access my blog. My home phone isn't working in my bathroom, my Project Runway didn't record last week and most disturbingly, I AM UNABLE TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL ON THE TV for the boys. Great, they are subjected to another "A Baby Story"--that won't come back to haunt us later. I have tried the 6 remotes at the TV, switched the input, cross-identified the 6 remotes at the TV, switched the input, held my tongue out while balancing on one leg while entertaining 3 boys about to witness a live screen birth, turn down the sound (because all that screaming is disturbing to me as well) and nothing. I give up...Oh, good...another episode of "A Baby Story"...

With love and irritated kisses,
Holly

20 comments:

Lynn said...

Technology can be such a blessing...and as you so aptly describe, such a curse.

The o.k. thing about missing Project Runway is that it's on 9,000 other times a week (on cable). Of course that would entail changing the channel:~)

Jodi said...

I am coming over to help you because in my house this is my job. The man is not allowed to touch anything technical.

Jennifer said...

Let me know if your plea for help works. I have high hopes for my almost-9 year old. If I can just teach him to play a DVD (I even painted the input button with red nail polish), then my role as a mother will be somewhat more irrelevant.

Good luck with the tech stuff. Good news, we'll all have to switch to Blu-Ray soon. Another thing to learn. (No, I don't know what Blu-ray actually is.)

BTW, we're both cool poker chicks! Love to play.

Jessica said...

Two words for you: Universal remote!!!! Ugh!

jameil1922 said...

lmao @ irritated kisses. missing project runway is a wrist-slitter!! you can read my recap if you need it.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Amen! I once asked how to change the channel on the big TV and it took, no lie, five minutes for my husband to explain it. I told him that if he couldn't get it down to a ten-second explanation, there would be a severe price to pay. He did manage to comply, but only because he was desperate to avoid my wrath.

BTW, I suck and have tagged you for a meme. You can thank me after you're done killing me.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Amen! I once asked how to change the channel on the big TV and it took, no lie, five minutes for my husband to explain it. I told him that if he couldn't get it down to a ten-second explanation, there would be a severe price to pay. He did manage to comply, but only because he was desperate to avoid my wrath.

BTW, I suck and have tagged you for a meme. You can thank me after you're done killing me.

Rachael said...

Well, you could always pop in a DVD. I'm techo cursed too. Ever since we switched from Comcast to Dish Network, at least 50% of the time I can't get the channels to change either. That's when I give up and resort to DVDs or blogs.

(And I CURSE my TiVo at least once a month. How DARE it not record my show when I was counting on it?!)

Happy Campers said...

Hey...here's a suggestion...turn off the TV! :) hahahahaha

Only kidding. We love us some TV around here too. It sounds oddly quiet if there's NOT a TV on somewhere in the house :)

Tootsie Farklepants said...

I was reading/studying the manual for my new cell phone this morning getting it all set up the way I like it; as Mr. Farklepants was leaving for work. He patronized me by saying "I'm so proud of you!". I told him to go f*ck himself.

Christine said...

If my husband isn't home I ask my son to deal with the seventeen million remotes in our home. Blech. All of those buttons...

binky ink said...

Ha Ha! This is such a funny post! I totally can relate!!!!!!

A Mom Two Boys said...

I'll come over with Jodi and help you. The three of us should be able to figure it out. Hopefully. Six remotes? I think the rule there is that you're supposed to sing an N'Sync song, preferrable -Bye Bye Bye- while balancing on one leg and sticking your tongue out. Something like that.
Oh, and I think I love Tootsie Farklepants.

Nap Warden said...

I don't let Husband touch anything...Lucky for me I'm the techie in the family!

Sandy C. said...

Oh no! So sorry to hear...I hope it gets fixed soon (somehow). But it made for a very funny post!

Kellan said...

Very funny - and I am right there with you trying to figure out the 4 different remotes! I loved this letter and if you get a positive response and can pass on some helpful hints - they'd be most appreciated. See you soon. Kellan

frog ponds rock... said...

heheheheh I just wish that I could actually find one of the remotes. my granddaughter has been here and hidden the remote lol..
I use the off button on the telly alot.

cheers Kim

Joan said...

Once upon a time ago, I was an audio-visual librarian and could hook-up any piece of equipment placed in front of me. Now Hubby has taken over that job at home and I've lost all ability to plug in. What's wrong with me???

#1 Dad said...

Hi, I know you didn't ask...but I did a little something for you...Go here

http://testingtestingtestintesting.blogspot.com/

Shoot me an email if you like it... I just had a moment on my hands...

Nap Warden said...

Oops, that last comment was from me.....I was signed onto my test blog....Let me know what you think?

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