This is a re-run. A post that originally "aired" 1-29-08. It is the post that is most often hit by random Googlers searching for cereal answers.


Over the last few years I have developed a more strained relationship with General Mills. The American mommy public has been at its mercy its biggest demographic for 62 years.

At first, I delighted in setting out little piles of cheerios on the highchair tray for baby to wrangle into his mouth. I laughed hysterically when my 1 year old "helped himself" to breakfast spilling 3/4 of the cheerio box onto the floor and then sat in the middle while stuffing his face. I even bought one of those cheerio dispensers for easy diaper bag packing.

But I have been noticing that even though my children are getting older, I am still dealing with this:

I totally understand the messy baby throwing cheerios onto the floor and the mess that creates, but this is different.

This is cheerio black magic.

This is a serious cheerios problem.

I calculate that we have a cheerio bowl loss of in excess of 20%. That makes the ratio of cheerios to tummy vs. cheerios to floor a staggering 5:1.

Wow! 1/5 of the cheerios I buy don't build a stronger child body.

This is a crisis that must be far reaching. So I checked out Cheerios.com for a loss prevention guide. I figured with a problem this big there would be committees meeting at GM at multiple levels on the mommy's behalf.

Imagine my surprise when I found that there is no mention of this crisis. This must be the secret that must remained hushed. The information that could bring the company down if recognized. I fear for my safety in exposing this dirty truth.

I then look for motivation, could there be some sort of cheerio conspiracy?

Could it be that General Mills have majority stockholder interest in brooms

or fancy vacuums?



Could the secret behind the loss be to fuel these other investments?

Could there be some sort of secret formula inside of the wholesome goodness of cheerios that causes them to jump spontaneously from the bowl?

It could be magnetic.

It could be a Mexican jumping bean titration.

It could be tiny suction cups that time release.


I don't know, but it makes you wonder.

And wonder.

And wonder.

Then I wonder about the "kid-tested, mother-approved" General Mills product KIX. I would like to get my hands on the mothers who approved it...

It certainly was not me.

I would have sent the product back to the drawing board until it came back square in shape. The spherical shape flies effortlessly through the air or rolls with ease.

This is a picture of 3 rouge KIX that were found yesterday in my living room approximately 35 feet from the closest table.

That is a serious distance for a cereal to travel

27 comments:

Valarie said...

ya know? What if you started using one of those horse feeders? Just strap it on filled with Cheerios. I bet that would significantly cut down on the loss of Cheerios.

Eudae-mamia said...

Now, picture having a kid with a metabolic disorder so that you have to chase all those little boogers down in order to weigh/count/measure to make sure you know the precise amount of what he ate. Good aerobic activity!

I'm totally with you on the square KIX - sign me up!

LOL funny - per usual!

Em

jill jill bo bill said...

Buy the cereal with all the sugar and forego the healthy ones. The sugar weighs them down and they are less likely to travel long distances. Plus, the kids eat them faster because they know they aren't as good for them. Just FYI.

Eudae-mamia said...

Sorry for another comment! I just thought I needed a couple more exclamation points!

Good Lord - where's the edit button for comments?(!)

Em

ShallowGal said...

Dude, it's totally a conspiracy. I think the polly pocket people are in on it too.

xoxo, SG

the planet of janet said...

i think we should actually be looking for a cereal killer here.

Courtney said...

How cute!

Courtney said...

Wrong post for the comment again, sorry.

Angie Ledbetter said...

Y'all don't play the "Find and Go Eat" game at your house? (Dust bunnies and UFOs - Unidentified Fuzzy Objects -- count as extra fiber.) If not, maybe you can get a dog. Best little vacuums ever. ;)

The Glamorous Life said...

post so good it gets two comments...

I think you should get a dog.
Problem solved.
You are welcome.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Definitely a conspiracy here...

JenniBeanV said...

Cheerios always seem to multiply in the back seat of my car. Please advise!

dddiva said...

If you take the advice to get a dog, be forwarned that they only like them with milk. Seriously. Kid slobber doesn't count, just milk, and preferably not skim although it will do in a pinch. So make sure if you get a dog to add extra milk to your list to dump after the Cheerios.
Your blog is hysterical, I am going to have to add you. Glad to have found you, Saucy SITSta.

Marinka said...

This is a serious problem and I'm glad that you're tackling it. If only the presidential candidates were more in tune with our concerns.

Danielle said...

Maybe, you could suggest making each Cheerio the size of the box of Cheerios...You would purchase ONE Cheerio instead of the box. Then everyone could just nibble on it whenever their little hearts desired. And instead of putting it in milk, you could just throw it in the pool where it could double as a floatation device.

Threeboys1mommy said...

That my dear is why the 10 second rule does not apply in this home. "Take as long as you like boys just make sure you get them all of the floor." "Don't forget to drink your Purell chaser."

Angie's Spot said...

I would like to add to the conspiracy list, Post Cereal, the makers of Cocoa Pebbles. There must be some kind of non-nutritional cereal varnish on those pebbles, because as soon as the spoon is lifted from the bowl, they immediately slide onto the floor. So annoying.

Rachel said...

Seriously Holly? Holy hell woman. That was pretty funny.
Thanks for the heads up about this serious crisis, I'm surprised that GM doesn't have a task force on this already.

Salubrina said...

curse you, general mills!

Kelley said...

I found the secret! Plastic garbage bag. Kid and Cheerios inside. Sealing bag optional.

Tranny Head said...

Now see because you are healthy and I am not, my kid is the one eating the stuff that is some heinous color that is then ground into the carpet as other people crunch it into oblivion.

That's hawtness for you, right there.

jubilee said...

With gorgeous hardwood floors like that, who cares?!

Ashley. Unscripted... said...

So, so, so true.

Scary Mommy said...

I second the dog. Problem solved. Except for the dog, who inevitably become obese, not that I speak from experience or anything!!

Anonymous said...

Let me tell you as a wife of a General Mills employee, General Mills has the best cereal! I love the crunch of cheerios between my toes.
P.S. I'm telling Joel.

Corrie Wilder said...

I'm still trying to figure out how I found Cheerios in my purse the other day. And I hadn't (intentionally) packed any.

Sarcastic Mom (aka Lotus) said...

Hahaha! Love it!

(Just hit this while doing random Stumbles! Booyah, baby!) :-)

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