9:23 AM

An issue of space

Posted by Holly Homer |

I am a people watcher. I love sitting in a public place and observing others. One of my favorite things is how people protect their personal space.

For instance, in an elevator everyone stands equidistant from each other:



Sometimes I like to mess with the elevator people a bit by shifting my position ever so slightly as to create imbalance and watch the subconscious chaos ensue.

Obviously karma has been watching my shenanigans (Wow, I don't think I have ever used that word before. Kinda wacky.) because my off-spring have an entirely different take on the elevator scene.

Let me state right now that I don't let my children ride elevators by themselves so this is purely hypothetical:



I have noticed this phenomenon at home.

Where ever I am the room is completely imbalanced.

Where ever I walk it is crowded.

Where ever I pee it is accompanied.



What a huge waste of square footage.

I am selling the house and moving into the minivan.

At least there they are strapped in an equidistant formation...

69 comments:

Debbie said...

This is so funny and true! I'm visiting from Valarie's blog - Hi!

It All Started With a Kiss said...

Oh, this is so funny!
And sadly, true in our home, too. As I type on my laptop at the table, the children all need to be right. next. to. me. So I have 2 sitting beside me, one on my lap, and two ON the table. Yes. Only one is more than a couple feet from me, and that is only so he can dance frantically to the annoying children's music that is currently playing...

Connie said...

LOL! I often wonder why we have 3500 sq ft of living space when we really use so little! The children are slowly suffocating me!

Debbie said...

We live in a house that is blessed with 4 bathrooms. For 6 people. We always thought this would be great. Until we noticed that everyone uses ours. We often said we should have just bought a two room house and saved a lot of money.

Valarie said...

Oh my gosh! My children do the same thing! Why this past week, my Husband was in Minnesota for Work, and I thought "Yes I will get the bed to myself! 9 days with just me in the bed!" No such luck two of the children and the dog had to sleep with me! King size bed + Me and kids and dog= Valarie sleeps on 12 inches of bed.

Also, My children do not want to "talk" to me unless I am on the phone, or in the bathroom.

Fiesty Charlie said...

Right there with you...

I thought I suffered alone! Wait, I am NEVER alone as long as my ankle biter is awake!

Great use of graphics!

Elaine A. said...

Yeah, alone time pretty much only comes after they are all in bed. Nothing is sacred.

Natalie said...

wow. i am so glad to see someone explain this. i feel the same way, except i have 4 kids. thanks for making it crystal clear! i must show my kids this diagram so they can learn about equidistant formation. they may be 9, 10, 12, and 15, but they are still clingy. time for a math lesson!

Tranny Head said...

I find this phenomenon to also be true in my bed. As in there's a huge-assed bed with tons of space, and yet I am the one wearing the toddler like a cloak.

Go figure.

Anonymous said...

This is so true.... I love it...and can totally relate to it! At SOME point they will reach a point when they are not crowding you though. My little ones crowd (both 6 yrs and below), My 18 yr old will try his hardest to get in the farthest point from me...this started in teenage years...you'll be there soon.

Courtney said...

You must have cameras set up in my house.

Renee said...

"Equidistant" I don't think I've ever used that word! You crack me up. My kids always tend to need something as soon as I shut the bathroom door too!

Eudae-mamia said...

Better than what Prince E. did in the elevator the other day when we were off to the pediatrician - he layed down on the floor. Ewwwwwwwww!

Forget worrying about what he might pick up in the waiting room, he had already contracted typhoid, ring worm and athletes foot of the face before we even opened the door.

Here's to the wide open spaces of Texas! I've heard rumor they do exist.

Em

Danielle said...

You could always strap them to their own respective beds to maintain balance. This might prevent the nirvana home from spinning off it's axis and landing in your fruit bowl!

Writer Dad said...

shenanigans is a fantastic word. as fun to type as it is to say.

Threeboys1mommy said...

I like to pretend I'm famous and all these boys are my entourage... I'm thinking of buying one a big flashy camera for the full effect.

Misty said...

ha ha ha... this totally made me laugh out loud. I truly appreciate your depiction of the wasted space. Perhaps, (and I'm just thinking here) rather than selling the house- as the economy really does stink, maybe you should just have more kids...

Colleen said...

Ha ha ha...love your diagrams, as always!

With three boys I'm surprised you don't say 'shenanigans' on an hourly basis!

He And Me + 3 said...

Too Funny...I think every Mom wishes for a little more elbow room. As I type my little guy is jumping up & down in my face. LOL

merlotmom said...

I've messed with people in elevators too. Fun times.

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

Oh my! This is so awesome and true. What a phenomenon. I am going to have to teach my boys about center of mass to keep equilibrium in the room. Either that, or install carseats at equidistant points throughout the house.

KEEP BELIEVING

Mrs Lemon said...

ROFL you are so creative!

Brittany said...

This is so true...I might as well strap them to my back.

Anglophile Football Fanatic said...

I actually had a teacher who seriously did his master's thesis on the psychology of elevator space. And, he, too liked to screw with people. I wonder if you will ever pee solo again?

Toni said...

You just described my house too LOL

Toni
A Daily Dose of Toni
Momdot
2 Boys 1 Princess

the planet of janet said...

just for the record, that DOES go away.

teenagers would prefer you occupy the space farthest from them.

at all times.

Threeundertwo said...

It's so true. I found the cure is to pick up cleaning apparatus. Makes them scatter to the point where each one is invisible. Then I can put my feet up and read trashy novels. I just keep a feather duster in one hand. Rather elegant really.

Shannon said...

Yeah I don't have that problem, although When I get in an elevator I like to jump up and down and freak out the other people! lol
Look I am at the top of the blog list! YES! Wait it says "Not a Huge Fan".... NO! Crap!

Shannon said...

Oh wait not a huge fan was my last post......heheheheheheh I am stupid!

Angie Ledbetter said...

LOL, go girl. You might have to resort to HoolaHoop therapy like I did for one of my kids who had no boundaries and invaded other people's spaces all the time. Walk holding hoop around you in a circle. "This space inside, honey, is all yours. Outside of it is other folks' territory. Leave them the same amount as you have!" ;)

Angie's Spot said...

You know, I ponder these same space issues almost every minute of every day that my kids are with me. Moms must have some kind of magnetic pole embedded within that attracts their kids without regard to location. It's endearing and yet very annoying all at the same time.

Laski Gal said...

I remember doing an experiment like this in class . . .

We were supposed to "invade" people's personal space. It was quite fun . . . though scary.

As for those kiddos . . . they love their mama! Plus, can you imagine the complete 180 that'll happen when they realize they want nothing to do with their parents??? Still, it would be nice to pee alone.

Manic Mommy said...

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG! So. very. true! Even with assigned seating, such as the dinner table, where a foot or hand must creep over. Andy doesn't understand it when I tell him the kids make me claustrophobic.

Salubrina said...

a woman with a plan! i love it! :-)

ShallowGal said...

Sometimes I think my 3 year old would climb back inside me if he could. That's how little space I get.

xoxo, SG

laughingatchaos said...

Add a 50 pound dog to that and you have my house!

Lisa said...

LMAO are you sure you aren't living in my house? Couldn't tell you the last time I peed by myself, or cooked dinner without J hanging on my leg.

One day I will have peace and tranquility...I know I can have it now but it would require a straight jacket and well ya' know, no white after Labor Day.

Roger said...

So they accompany you into the loo, eh?

Weird.

I myself try to have a two-foot zone around me at ALL times - my kids (with the exception of the teenagers) really don't care about my 'zones.'

Except for the bathroom - they REALLY don't want to go there. :)

Jyl @ MommyGossip said...

Soooo sad. And, soooo true!

Swet dreams (in your minivan)! LOL

Headless Mom said...

Yes, equidistant formation is good. Preferably with at least an arm's space in between children.

Louise said...

Too many video games? I don't know, but it makes for a spectacular picture! SOOOOO cute!

And what a nice wish, that our Mondays could be like being in the back of a Chevrolet. Actually I don't think I was ever in the back of a Chevrolet. WAIT, maybe Boyfriend #1. Anyway, I'm going to keep that wish for Wednesday, which is when I finally got to this. I hate Wednesdays. This will give me something to daydream about on the next dreaded Wednesday.

Louise said...

For me, it's the animals. The kids like to play elsewhere, but one day I will sustain serious injury from tripping over an animal that lives here.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Wait until their teenagers--they'll give you PLENTY of space!

PAPATV said...

Where do you go when you've used up all the space in your tiny apt? you start storing stuff in your car. whenever we open the trunk there's a 24 pack of charmin staring us in the face and all our extra luggage. When you have to refill the toilet paper and that means walking all the way down to your car in the cold at 4am...and popping the trunk...that's a pretty good life

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

HA HA HA!!!!!

that is all.

Insta-mom said...

You mean they aren't supposed to be superglued to my hips? I'm seriously going to have to look into that more.

Terri Tiffany said...

LOL-- Loved this! However did you get a drawing on here! I people watch too and have thought to do that very thing!!

Beck said...

My kids used to sit on my lap while I peed. No privacy anywhere ever.

jubilee said...

Too true. Too true. Until your sweet six year old turns into a sullen seven year old and from across the room he and the chip on his shoulder helps to balance out the room again. Not that I know this from personal experience, mind you.

Weaselmomma said...

You crack me up, both with how you entertain yourself in elevators, and how you describe the phenomena of children/mother space ratio.
I always swear that my children want to get back inside of my warm and cozy belly.

Ron Davison said...

My daughter was about 12 and we sent her to a multi-day seminar. One of her homework assignments one evening was to step into an elevator and face everyone while saying, "I suppose you all are wondering why I called you here."
I have tried this a couple of times since. I don't know about karmic imbalance, but I have gotten bemused looks.

Ron Davison said...

I think that if you wanted, you would make a good UFO-ologist. You have the mind and imagination for it. (And you should take this as a compliment, Holly. I don't believe that I've ever seen that potential in anyone else.)

MoscowMom said...

OMG! 52 comments! You sure hit a nerve. IT IS SO TRUE. I call it "mommy magnetic force." You never studied it in Physics class, but it's an undebatable truth. Until the kids turn 13. And then you actually repel them.

Dorsey said...

FANTASTIC!!! Come to think of it, there's a heck of a lot of wasted space in my home, too. hmmm

Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children said...

So true!!! It is such a waste of space, I never thought of it that way before!

Val said...

omg....I found this through Jennifer from Playgroups! I have to say I think I peed a little while reading! And I totally understand. We too could live in our minivan.
Thanks for the laugh!

Limbic Resonance said...

Wow. I am SO glad I read this before Peanut reached Cheerio age! But tell me Texas Holly, what do I give instead?! ;-) Hee hee...loved this post.

chirky said...

I say to round them all up and just send 'em over to Bianca's.

I mean, that's what I would do.

"The Queen in Residence" said...

The koy of being mom. You never ever get to have breathing room. Too funny and the diagrams made it better. So my life.... LOL

"The Queen in Residence" said...

I also cannot spell. I meant to say JOy not koy. See it is all the oxygen deprivation of being encased by children all the time...run do not walk to the minivan.

Auds at Barking Mad said...

I can't do elevators...well not if anyone else is in there, I'll wait eons if I have to, for an elevator ALONE. I can NOT deal with people popping my personal space bubble.

Heaven help me if I ever get stuck in one of those things!

Kathryn Magendie said...

*snort laughing!* I'm over from Angie's space...thanks for the morning laugh...complete with diagrams...haw!

Well, my dog's taken the place of my child (only child who is grown and lives across the land in Oregon)...and my hb, too - I have a big arse territorial space and people like to invade it (because I'm little, I suppose) whist I stand eyes-a-buggin and stiff and they don't even notice when they grab onto me the subtle panic as I whisper "it's only a hug, it's only a hug...you've never seen this person in your life, but it's only a hug"...erk.

anymommy said...

This is so incredibly funny and so incredibly true!! Depsite the fact that I'm late and everyone else has said it already, had to comment and say that I'm laughing hysterically right now (as I try to push my three children into some other square foot of space besides the one I'm occupying).

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

You are very observant--I am lucky if I remember all my kids ;)

Momo Fali said...

This is why my husband says he passes gas so often...to give himself a little more room.

texasholly said...

testing, testing, 1 2 3

SuburbanOblivion said...

HILARIOUS!!!

My first visit here(via Playgroups are no place for children's shared reader items) and I am totally subscribing! :)

Karen said...

Ha! Looks like my house!

Julie said...

When I worked for the airlines, one of the things I trained was 'Personal Space'. I had to go over each culture and the amount of space they need. Great post, you have a fan in me!

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