6:55 AM

Building a better girltrap...

Posted by texasholly |

I am a realistic girl. I have 3 boys. I believe I am more then blessed. Blog-Stedman and I are NOT going for #4 in attempt to "get a girl". The only way I get a girl is to obtain a daughter-in-law. I now have the extremely important task of raising my boys well. So well, that well-rounded, intelligent, common-sense-laden girls will be attracted to them.

I have been brainwashing the boys that I will choose a wife for them. This way when I back down and just request veto power it will look reasonable. All in the master plan...mwah. ha. ha...

In my quest to raise quality girl bait, I am teaching the obvious manners. I have encountered some less obvious areas that I need to work on here at the house with the boys. These are things that may be age appropriate now, but would be serious red flags to any girl worth her salt.

Here is my list of things that might be OK at 2-4 years old, but definitely NOT even remotely OK at 24 years old:

1. Binkys, sippy cups, and only eating on plastic plates.
2. Sleeping in a crib.
3. Running down to mommy and daddy's bed in the middle of the night and climbing in.
4. Sitting on mommy's lap while she pees.
5. Hanging out with mommy while she is in the shower.
6. Screaming "wipe me!" after pooping on the potty.
7. Enjoying a good "potty dance" as performed by mommy.
8. Peek-a-boo games with everyone.
9. Requesting food be cut into small pieces.
10. Bathing in a small tub with 2 other brothers.
11. Sneaking to eat toothpaste from the tube.
12. Calling McDonald's "Old McDonalds".
13. Eating "regular food" only to qualify for dessert status.
14. Wearing a blue power ranger suit 24/7.
15. Wearing Transformer underwear.
16. Wearing footed PJs.
17. Tricycle is only means of independent transportation.
18. Believing the finest food is served at Chuck E. Cheese.
19. Throwing tantrums on a whim.
20. Still living with mommy and daddy.

CRAP. I didn't account for the obvious red flag of future mother-in-law with a detailed trapping plan...

33 comments:

cce said...

I think I actually dated grown men who still had a few of these bad habits kicking around...namely, tricycle as only means of transportation.

Oh and do show them how to use the washing machine. When My Better Half announced he wasn't sure how the damn thing worked the other day I had to stop and ask myself, "How did I get here?"

Happy Campers said...

Great plan! I remember when we found out Reese would be a boy, I was so excited to "raise a gentleman". Now I'd just settle for raising a human with manners :)

The dreaded MIL status. HA!

Kalynne Pudner said...

Here's something to put in your arsenal for when they hit their teens:

"You know, girls are taught to judge a guy by how he treats his mother."

If we're on our way to MIL-hood, we might as well profit from the trip, right?

Oh, and by the way, I think you might be wrong about the Power Rangers suit.

Angie said...

Ahh, Thank you. As the mother of boys, what should I do if a couple of my boys are still doing some of these at age 5 nad 6? What age is eating regular food only to qualify for dessert status unacceptable? I am pretty sure my 6 year old will be doing this until the day he dies.

KEEP BELIEVING

Courtney said...

And I am trying to raise my girls not to bring home the dead beats that want the woman to support them. Guess it's not easy on either side of the game.

Sandy C. said...

Please document this and print for publication. Had I'd known at 24, I would have never dated guys still doing half of these :(

InTheFastLane said...

Humm...my husband still calls it "Old MacDonalds"

Suzie said...

I'm all for #20 and #6 absolute turn offs! Although number 15 the Transformer underwear could be sort of cute.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I have had an *interesting* mil experience myself and am now the defacto mil to my oldest's boyfriend. My advice if you want to have a great relationship is "don't be demanding." The less you demand, the more they want to give.

Heather said...

Some girls mike like number 14, but they would probably get the veto from you.

cruisin-mom said...

damn, I should have thought of this...my sons are now 18 and 21...ooops, a little too late.
(found you through Neil citizen of the month...you're very funny!)

Chandra said...

Is that bad that Hubby and I love Chuck E Cheese pizza?

I'm raising 2 ladies in waiting so here's hoping I can work out some similar issues with them as well!

Open Grove Claudia said...

I think it's the transformer underwear. Although who knows? In twenty years, it could be very retro... I wonder if there's a transformer thong....

Off to google! ;)

Hey I added you to my blogroll

jennifer h said...

Just hand your future daughters-in-law a list at the wedding and say, "Here, these are the things I took care of for you, so you wouldn't have to." She'll be grateful.

Maybe.

Betsy Bird said...

Actually, I think a 24 y/o who still calls it Old McDonald's would be kind of cute. On the other hand, my husband calls it "Macky Donald's," and I want to slap him every time he says it.

Since my two boys are in 8th and 11th grade, I don't have a lot of time left to turn them into girl bait, and I'm beginning to succumb to despair over the older one's table manners. As my husband tells him, "This isn't prison. You don't have to hunch protectively over your plate. No one here is going to steal it." So far, no luck. The rest of us must look really hungry.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

#15 might be considered acceptable during that spicing up the marriage faze.

Christine @ Serenity How? said...

I'd add to that list that she shouldn't do a potty dance of her own either!

Sigh...arranged marriages are starting to look really attractive these days. :-)

Motherhood for Dummies said...

Definently not the screaming WIPE POOPIES! I hope that is something they grow out of by the time they are 24 ha ha :)

Domestic Accident said...

I fail #19. There go my plans for robbing the cradle.

Erika Jurney said...

As the mom of 3 boys myself, I am going to have this list made into a plaque to hang in my kitchen! I love it ;)

Nap Warden said...

Wait, I am supposed to be "raising him to be a gentleman"? I was just trying to get to naptime...crap!

jennifer said...

Hey, let us know what you catch in your trap in 22 years!

fullheartandhands mama said...

Too funny! 4 had me rolling.

Hey, I noticed you had a post of mine in your pink box the other day. Fun!

Lisa said...

You mean our kids are going to get married ?! I am sooo not ready to discuss...

nonlineargirl said...

Ok, I am right there with you on the whole "sitting on mom's lap while she pees" thing, but 13? What's wrong with 13?

Rachael said...

I suggest teaching them to do laundry. It might cancel out the MIL issue if they can do it well, with proper sorting and all.

anglophilefootballfanatic said...

What Hol, trying to say CEC is NOT fine dining. At least you are trying to get rid of red flags and teach manners. My son is just going into the seminary to save me the trouble.

Manic Mommy said...

Mother of two boys and...thinking...

I've been saying the only way I'll get a girl is to fly to China for one. I hadn't thought of a trap! Aha!

Excellent Plan B.

Re: Number 15: Are Spiderman boxer briefs okay?

Ron Davison said...

Mine is further along - late teens. One of my challenges is convincing him that playing World of Warcraft on-line does not qualify as socializing.

Ron Davison said...

Oh and I forgot: these were hilarious and brought back memories. It makes me wonder if never actually solve problems but, rather, just outgrow them.

Pinky said...

Ouch, you described an ex-boyfriend from college.

Purple Teacup said...

We seem to be losing some of our manners since starting public school. This is one of my fave posts....=)

Robin said...

ONE pair of Transformer underwear is kitschy and nostalgic and fun. ONLY Transformer underwear is a little weird (in a 24 year old).

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