8:40 PM

It is not me, it is Shallow Gal

Posted by Holly Homer |

programming note: Mr. Linky is returning next Wednesday for you to link to your funniest post. I know you have one. I want to read it!

This week I convinced Shallow Gal to let me steal her post. (Yes, it is Le ShallowGal if you want to get all fancy...) I recently found her. It was love and first read. I loved her originality and wit, but what sealed the deal is her absolutely amazing use of the footnote. The posts are funny, very funny and then you get to the footnotes...

This post is *NOT* about my children

PCSguy is concerned. He feels that I spend too much time blogging about my children and that I will lose readers unless I expand topically.

So today I will post about my lonely sock basket. You can thank him yourself later.

As you can see, basket is now a subjective term.

Every organization expert has a way of dealing with this age-old problem. The worst one I ever saw was a clothesline behind the dryer with single socks clipped to it for easy reference. That's so mean. All the missing socks are probably hiding under the dryer already and then they see their mate just hanging there, mere inches beyond their grasp. Plus I'd need like 3 miles worth of clothesline.

My father-in-law fancied himself to be a bit of an inventor. (1) He created a special device to keep socks together. It looked like this :
only his was less blurry

He built it from scratch in his workroom. Don't get me wrong, I loved my father-in-law very much but still, I dread the day PCSguy retires.

I may pile all the bills in small stacks throughout the house, nowhere near the checkbook or stamps. But for socks, I have a system. I'm not going to say it's the highlight of my month but that's just because Nordstrom has sales in June, July and November.

Once a month I empty out all the socks. I always start with the black and blue ones.

sock foreplay

Honestly, I'm not truly the anal type. My kids dress themselves and a lot of times, yes, they look like orphans. I don't have control issues. Except about socks. Rule number one: Once placed in the lonely sock basket, a resident cannot be released until the exact match is found. It's like the Hotel California for socks.

Now I may not be able to identify my children by name on the first try, and there's no chance I could pull out a fact like how old they were when they lost their first tooth. But I can tell you to the minute how long each sock has been in that box and the circumstances surrounding its arrival. It's all about priorities people.

Usually there are more red socks. I have a bad feeling about this.

See the teeny yellow cashmere sock all the way on the bottom right? I'd like you to meet LSB's longest resident. These socks were a baby gift from a friend of my mom's when Noa was born. The sock made it's grand debut in the LSB (2) back in September of 2000 after only one wearing. I'm 99% sure that it fell off Noa's foot at the pediatrician's office. Even if the mate did miraculously appear, there is no foot small enough in our house to ever wear this sock again. (3) Totally immaterial. Can you imagine how I'd feel if after holding on to this sock for EIGHT (4) years, I threw it away and the next day the mate showed up. Seriously? You think I'd laugh and write all about irony? Are you new here? Is this sock taking up enough real estate that it's worth that risk? No, I didn't think so. Moving on.

Next comes white with some kind of design:

So close

I can hear you, Elizabeth in Maryland, wondering out loud why I can't just pair up those 2 orange champion socks in the top row together. You think that because they'll be unnoticeable under my sneakers that I could just loosen up a little. You could not be more wrong. Not even if you were the Queen of Wrongville.

Finally we're here. The grand finale. The white socks:

By this point I'm practically orgasmic

These guys are tricky. A true white sock match is almost unheard of. By now I notice nobody even considering suggesting the two on the bottom left look sort-of the same. And sure enough, no match today. However my mission is complete. All 59 single socks go back in the box until next month. I can go to bed feeling I accomplished something. (5)

1) We spent many hours discussing if I could help him get a patent on his "pants stretcher."
2) At the time a much smaller box. There are no lonely socks from before 2000 because before then I had a life.
3) Like I said, you can checkout anytime you want, but you can never leave.
4) At first I said seven years, like the blogger version of writing 2007 on a check, if I could find my checkbook.
5) Except it's only 3:24 so I can't really go to bed for like 4 more hours.


Eudea-Mamia said...

I can tell you we I'd find those missing red socks - in with the whites. Which would make everything a lovely shade a pink.

No good in a house full of boys!!

I think you need to hang the lone cashmere one off of your rearview mirror - so sweet!!


Jenni Jiggety said...

This is a good system! I usually just throw them away and buy more at Target...

usman said...

yourTips and new ideas are so good,i just throw the socks after sometime used,you tells
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Roger said...

You are a saint of socks!! I myself just go to Target every other month, or so, and re-stock! One of these days, I imagine I will find those missing socks, and probably a colony of mice.

Or maybe I just like shopping for socks, like my wife says. SSA I'm on the way!

Angie Ledbetter said...

Do you know the Law of Lost Socks Rule? No? The moment you do throw away a mateless sock, its sad other half will show up within 3 hours of the garbage man hauling it away!

I DID love the yellow baby sock singlet. ;)

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Anonymous said...

I'll feel so much better if you throw them all away.
I threw mine away.
They were in a real basket on top of my washer, just mocking me.
Now they're in a land-fill.
Who's laughing now?

the planet of janet said...

my head hurts.

Teri said...

I have a sock bag. I finally pitched several really old and small socks. But I somehow still have a set of mateless socks that I'm sure no one even cares about anymore. But me.

Happy Campers said...

LOVE it! But that's why Reese only wears the same exact brand of white socks...all of 'em. That way there's always a match! He does have 1 pair of black socks for dress shoes...

Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING said...

Shallow Gal needs to LET GO. Seriously. Clip the wings and let the little suck buggers fly....


Marinka said...

I love Le Shallow Gal! And I love Les Socks, which sounds like they're socks for lesbians, not that there is anything wrong with that of course.

Courtney said...

I love the "sock foreplay!" Too funny.

Suzie said...

Great post and great method I just put everyone in mismatched socks. Its true I could care less.

jill jill bo bill said...

I knew Iloved you for a reason!I have this same ailment. And to make matters wore,Rick THREW AWAY my lone sock basket with all the socks when we moved. I almost had to be institutionized. I put whites in solid grey bottoms, grey heel/toe, and all white bottom categories. Even if the tos look the same, there may be an accident and their shoes will have to be removed then the hospital staff will say, "OMG poor kid/husband doesn't even have a mom/wife that cares enough to match their socks." That would send me over the edge.

Mandy said...

Looove the footnote idea!!

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

I'm confused....you can find sock mates ? ;)

Anonymous said...

So we blog about their socks instead. ;)

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I think some of my socks and some of your socks could ride off into the sunset if we ever got them together.

Real Mom (Katie) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Real Mom (Katie) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Real Mom (Katie) said...

OK I'm having comment problems! Trying again;

I don't know what you mean..I am perfect and don't lose socks.

--uncrosses fingers--

I tagged you for a list of 7 weird/interesting things about you. Details on my blog.

Terri Tiffany said...

Ok THis was too funny!! Thanks for a good laugh to start my day!!!

Eudea-Mamia said...

I think Animated Holly totally deserves a little Kreative Blog award love - come on over and get it!

Make sure you wear the see-through shirt...


mommeeof9 said...

Socks match after you open the packages? really? Weird!

I buy weird patterned socks for each child. The oldest girls have pastel and bold colored peds. My 12 yr old has flourescent colors socks. My 14 yr old has 10 pairs of identical dress socks. The little boys have harry potter and star wars socks. My youngest has various navy blue with other colors. No matching. I just throw them into their baskets or drawers and the older kids match their own. The only person who's socks I match on a regular basis is Hubby's, as I borrow his all the time. What? I don't feel like sorting the 1 1/2 bushel basket full of odd socks to find mine. They are left from before we assigned them different patterned/colored socks. Our girl scout troup collects odd socks before the brownie/daisy sleepover so the girls can make multiple sock puppets.

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