Holly has been doing a lot of thinking. Holly has been doing extensive investigating. Holly finds that the best solution to her problem may be installing one of these:



Holly has decided that a porta-potty, johnnie-on-the-spot, porta-john may be her only option. She has decided that this is the location for her new purchase:



Why would Holly who lives in a lovely suburban neighborhood in a house that could (but doesn't) have a white picket fence with complete indoor plumbing choose to install a porta-potty, johnnie-on-the-spot, porta-john?



It might have something to do with the plunger that is permanently attached to Holly's left arm. Holly's left arm is tired of plunging. Holly has noticed that she is starting to choose outfits in the morning based on whether they match the plunger attached permanently to her left arm.

Holly is wearing green hoping that her green-wearing karma will overcome her low-flow toilet hating soul. Holly's low-flow toilet hating soul is dark, very dark. Holly's low-flow toilet hating soul is deep, very deep. Holly's low-flow toilet hating soul is attached to a body sporting a plunger as a permanent fixture.

Holly's low-flow toilets seem to have something against the act of flushing.



Hey low-flow toilets...why are you so anti-flush?

Holly also wonders what is the point of low-flow toilets if she has to attempt flushing them three kazillion times with intermittent plunging. Ironically Coincidentally, that is the exact same decibel (three kazillion) Holly's voice hits when she hears, "Mommy! The toilet isn't working!"

So, until Al Gore dedicates his life to plunging Holly's low-flow toilets or suitable alternatives in the United States of Low-Flow Toilets (US of LF T) are legal. Holly is planning this drastic action.

Holly will no longer allow people to use the INDOOR toilets. Holly will lead them to the OUTDOOR toilet which never needs plunging despite the level of crap.



Holly can only hope that the proximity to the patio of the new porta-potty, johnny-on-the-spot, porta-john could encourage its use by a certain Holly's dog...

57 comments:

cce said...

LOL...I know, I know. I've got the same damn problem at my house except we've even removed the low-flow device and have decided to blatantly snub our noses at Al Gore in order to save our sanity and STILL not a day goes by without the need for plunging. Seriously, scientists are working on so many important thing, fuel efficient cars, cures for cancer and diabetes, laser hair removal, teeth whitening, genetically altered and superior corn crops, can't someone work on a water efficient toilet that actually work as intended?
Let me know how that Johnny on the spot works out for you.

Courtney said...

I have the same problem. I thought it was Taylor until my husband peed the other day (no tp) and it got clogged. Are you kidding? AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

A Mom Two Boys said...

Remind me to NOT use the bathroom when I come to your house. Cause I'm coming. Someday.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

The Europeans have it right with that two button system. One button for being all Earth-friendly and taking care of Number 1 and Screw the Earth That Crap Has Got to Go for the other stuff (or when you get toilet paper happy). We need choices to maintain our sanity.

That, by the way, is the precise reason we have not replaced our toilets. They may be old and ugly, but they flush.

Joeprah said...

I am laughing because A) this post rules and B) I am picturing someone drawing these pictures and I die laughing conjuring that image. LOL!

Glad I stopped by, will add you to my unimaginably overflowing reader...like your toilet really. Not to say this is crap...you know what I mean, right? ;)

Joeprah said...

Oh, I will vote for you if you vote for me...I will start the voting now.

Bloggers Choice Awards that is.

Jennifer said...

you ALWAYS crack me up!! i love the story lines and the best part is the PICTURES!! you go girl!! love the skinny jeans, even if it is only on stick figure Holly!! lol

I so feel you on the toilet flushing problem!! ANNOYING!!!

good luck with getting it figured out! If there is a solution to it.

have a good day!!

xoxo's jenn

still roflmao!!!

Mylhibug said...

Ah yes, the low-flow toilet... I believe that I , on average, flush that bad boy 3.46 times per use. Which translates into nearly 3.5 gallons of water used per visit. Now, if I had a normal 3 gallon per flush toilet and only had to flush ir once... That's a savings of .5 gallons per use.

So what is the point of the low-flush toilet again?

the planet of janet said...

when we moved into our old (rental) house 10 years ago, we had three toilets.

the first night in the house, ALL THREE TOILETS clogged and would not UNclog.

four kids. no toilets. can you say "oh crap"?

low-flush is not my friend.

carmen said...

I am SO with ya on th is one! The plunger has taken up permanent residence beside the girl's toilet because a)they can't seem to remember to hold the handle down until it's ALL down and b) they may need a reteach on the basics of potty training like how much toilet paper it takes to wipe one's own bum!

LaskiGal said...

I'm laughing so hard I need to go pee . . . but I can't, because I have a lousy low flow toilet too!!! UGH! This is how they really save water--they DON'T flush!

"Holly's low-flow toilet hating soul is dark, very dark." Oh, may you find light in the porta potty . . .

Valarie said...

I totally agree. What is the point of one of these things if you have to flush it three kazillion times.

Donna Rosenbloom said...

OMG! Same here in Virginia! I have a plunger in every bathroom of my home! When I went to Walmart and purchased 7 plungers (yes, I have 7 bathrooms), the cashier looked at me like I was crazy.

Every day I have to plunge a toilet. It's ridiculous!

Marsha said...

What a great story you've told here and so funny! It may surprise you to know how many people can relate to bad plumbing stories and I am definitely one of them!

Join me for my Wordless Wednesday post if you can:

Just Some Thoughts

Misty said...

We have no Low Flow toilet. As I look around at my fancy lightbulbs, super energy saving appliances, etc. I've felt supreme levels of guilt at my lack of hybrid vehicles, or fancy toilets...

thank you for relieving your frustration AND alleviating my guilt! You are a rockstar in my book, (a book printed entirely on recycled paper!) and I would used your Stinky porta potty with pride, completely snubbing your indoor potty on the way out!

Jennifer H said...

I store a plunger next to both toilets, and not a day goes by without hearing "Mommy, the toilet's plugged!"

I am so over it. I am all for the two-button system, but only if the #2 button has a jet engine operating it.

The save-the-Earth people got this one wrong...at 4 flushes per use, no wonder the world is running out of water.

Suzie said...

Holly I need one too. Although my toilet does flush I have one bathroom and four family members. Do you think I can install a porta potty in my apartment building lobby. NO one may notice.

fullheartandhands mama said...

Yuck! I'm all for green initiatives, but I'm quite hypocritcal about it. You know, like if it inconveniences me, at all.

By the way, thanks for your sweet comment on my post yesterday.

On a limb with Claudia said...

My biostatistician hubby (yes, I have a formula in crayon) worked underground utility for 2 years.

He snakes the toilets and tub a couple times a year. He even rotorooted the house last year.

IMHO, Stedman needs to cowboy up a bit here. It's not hard - he deals with much grosser stuff - he can handle it. Put on the scrubs, get the toilet snake and snake those toilets.

(Can you tell I've been therapist to a lot of doctors??)

COWBOY UP STEDMAN!

Just tell him that a biostatistician does it.... count to 5....

Kalynne Pudner said...

At least you are choosing your outfits to match the plunger and not the splashes that hit your clothes when you use the plunger, right?

Our toilets are jet-powered and decidedly not Low Flow (the builder who constructed the house for his own family of six daughters is not a Gore supporter, evidently). But the two youngest girls' penchant for using half a roll of tp -- every time -- and never flushing -- no times -- is too much for even jet power.

InTheFastLane said...

I always blame the kids. It always seems like it is their bathroom, or a bathroom that they just walked out of. Maybe it isn't their fault, but, while I am plunging, yet again, I blame them anyway.

Angela said...

I'd hate to see my child in your unflushable bathroom. I do think girls are worse at this. We have threatened her life if she doesn't stop using 1/2 a roll of TP in one visit!! We have normal potties but that much TP will even stop up the insustrial style potties.
Love the drawings!

Mr Farty said...

This post totally deserves a Stinking Bugger Award. I'd love to see Holly's dog operating the portaloo (as we call them).

Toot toot!

Mr Farty said...

Hmmm. If that link doesn't work, pick one up from my sidebar.

x

Ranch Mommy said...

Cute pics!! I love the stick figure drawings in your posts!! Fun to read...

Sorry about the toilet issues though....Our toilet's normally clogged because either my four year old or two year old has stuffed something in it. Maybe I should make them us the porta-potty until they can leave the real deal alone........Hmmmm

Madge said...

you have boys -- do they even need a porta-potty????

Kristen said...

Again, another fabulous post done in marker!

Too cute! Hope the toliet situation gets worked out! :)

mommeeof9 said...

Our plumber bought up several toilets befor they went to the very low flow ones that are required now in new construction. His boss had a fit- he added them to the bosses account at the plumbing supply place. His boss was really happy they had them on hand, as the new ones do not flush properly.

We have an old house that modern plumbing was added to in the late 1950s? The pipes do not slope steeply enough to drain properly with the modern low flow toilets. The plumbers advised us to keep the old toilets, even if we remodel the bathrooms and replace the other fixtures. The plumber did say the flushing mechanism in the low flow ones can be switched out with one that uses more water to flush.

exskindiver said...

you and your plunger attachment makes me laugh.
sorry.

Queen Mommy said...

Bwah! Holly is funny.

Angie said...

The plunger accessory does not do Holly's shoes justice.

Holly and Angie's toilets should date. Angie's toilet also has an aversion to effectively flushing. Angie is also surrounded by boys.

KEEP BELIEVING

EatPlayLove said...

Oh you poor thing! I think you deserve some real skinny jeans... I hate plunging the toilet.

Nap Warden said...

Remind me not to use your potty;)

OHmommy said...

LMAO that you drew these. AWESOME!

Sandy C. said...

LOL at these drawing :) And the skinny jeans for the stick figure is perfect! Sorry to hear about the flushing issues. How it all clears up soon :(

Ron Davison said...

Holly,
I'm beginning to think that a blog doesn't really do your postings justice. I'm going to start petitioning for the flip book version of June Cleaver Nirvana (which I suppose is often confused with Kurt Cobain's Nirvana on google searches).
Very funny. Thanks.

imaginary binky said...

All hail the old toilets of yesteryear! The toilets of my crappy but quaint, 106 year old home that flush and flush and flush! May the flushing gods smile upon you, dear lady.

Nora Bee said...

I will share this with my husband, who wants us to switch to low-flow. Thank you, and good luck.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Just like there's a black sheep in every family, there's a toilet like that in every house!

David Rochester said...

Wow. Just yesterday I was feeling a little guilty at having regular toilets, but this post has cured me of that. As The Most Squeamish Germophobe in the World, plunging a toilet is a problematic endeavor for me, and involves quite a lot of time spent:

1) Working up to it

2) Gagging

3) Sanitizing the plunger afterward. My toilet plunger is probably one of the cleanest objects in my house.

Meg said...

Okay I DO NOT plunge...period. It's usually my daughter's bathroom and it can wait til my hubby gets home, we have three other bathrooms we can use...EEEEEEEEEEEw I hate plunging...yuk, yuk, yuk! Give me blood and guts I can handle most anything BUT NOT stopped up toilets!

Thanks for the reminder of the great banana pudding by the way! Are you familiar with Abilene?

Domestic Accident said...

This just don't tell you this stuff in What to Expect When You're Ignorant.

Rachel said...

So you are now Bitter Plunging Holly... soon to be be Bitter out House Holly.

I love my water saving faucets, but the low flow toilets are a pita.

Momo Fali said...

I love your drawings!! And, thanks for the tip! Now I can finally get into my skinny jeans...even if it's only on paper.

Elizabeth said...

Poor bitter plunging Holly,
I'd move the Porta-potty to the BACK of the property. I guess we could always go back to chamber pots...
You know, environmentalism is good, except when a "law" is passed, then it ends up on proving the Law of Unintended Consequences.
Having to flush 3-4 times truely defeats the purpose. UGH.
Pax, EJT

frogpondsrock said...

Oh dear.. Toilet problems are a real pain in the bum...

frogpondsrock said...

Oh dear.. Toilet problems are a real pain in the bum...

Flea said...

So if you're flushing that often to get the crap down, it really negates the whole point of the low flush toilet, right?

Karen MEG said...

What a great solution!!!! We've got major toilet issues too ... ugh.

Do they make designer plungers yet?

Amanda (Shamelessly Sassy) said...

I'm lovin' your stick ladies skinny jeans.

Elaine A. said...

Sorry about your toilet issues. We have the opposite problem around here. A certain 4-year-old doesn't care much for flusing. AT. ALL. If you get my drift (what the heck does that mean anyway?).

JCK said...

Good point on the multiple flushes. And...nothing more embarassing to a houseguest than stopping up a toilet.

Sleeping with Ward Cleaver said...

Wow, Holly, your toilet post really brought in the comments! I especially love your skinny jeans, only on stick figure Holly LOL
Well, around here, who knows about flushing capacity because who bothers to flush? Certainly not the kids. Makes the dogs happy--more flavor when they start drinking out of the bowl, I guess. Though I can't abide their breath at this point and if they lick me I scream.

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

I freaking adore this. Obviously: http://blogs.chron.com/goodmombadmom/2008/05/bs_sunday.html

Woman with a Hatchet said...

Hah!

I routinely "break" the toilets in my house, so there's a plunger in every bathroom. That being said, an old milk jug filled with a gallon of water makes everything work better during flushing.

Leeanthro said...

The environmentalist in me keeps asking my husband if we can get a low flow. But he keeps reminding me that it would not work for him, if you know what I mean!

Liesl said...

Oh honey, get yourself to this store and get an old fashioned toilet! http://www.dhwsalvage.com/

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