June Cleaver Nirvana

WARNING: IF YOU ARE RECEIVING THIS MESSAGE THEN YOU ARE AMONG 75% OF HOLLY'S SUBSCRIBERS THAT DIDN'T GET FORWARDED PROPERLY THROUGH THE WIZARDRY OF FEEDBURNER.

Crap.

Anyway, all is not lost.

Holly IS still blogging.

Really...

Almost daily!

Please go check her out at JuneCleaverNirvana.com.

You can subscribe by clicking right here: DAMN YOU FEEDBURNER!

If this is your first time to the Nirvana...

So sorry! I am usually not this cranky.

Moving put me under a lot of stress.

I miss my friends.

Please come visit me.

Please...?

Today is super exciting. I am moving from JuneCleaverNirvana.com to the new and improved JuneCleaverNirvana.com...

Alright, it is more like a drive around the block.

After 18 months with my dear friend blogger, I am all grown up and moving out to self-hosted WordPress.

I am super mature.

BUT...I NEED YOU TO READ THIS NEXT SENTENCE OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN and you don't want that:

PLEASE CHECK YOUR JUNE CLEAVER NIRVANA RSS FEED LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW.

I am doing everything in my power to have the feed continue, but I am not all powerful in the Feedburner world.

See ya soon...



I REPEAT.

THIS IS NOT MY LAST POST FOREVER AND EVER AMEN.

IF THIS IS THE LAST POST IN YOUR READER AND IT IS NOT MONDAY MAY 18, 2009 THEN PLEASE CLICK HERE TO RE-SUBSCRIBE:

*Holly sobbing in a fetal position because her feed didn't move correctly*

I can't wait for you to see my fancy new place.

I have heard it over and over...

and over...

Oh!

and over...

So much so that at dinner tonight I repeated it back to the boys:

First is Worse.

Second is Best.

Third is the one with the Treasure Chest.

Fourth is the one with the Wedding Dress.

Fifth is the one with the Hairy Chest.

I then asked what SIXTH was...

and Reid(5) answered:


Sixth is the one with the CAT.

I may have mentioned that I am raising very sensitive sons.

And by sensitive I mean overly-reactive.

They are sensitive about the dark, being alone, vegetables, anything they don't want to do and bugs.

BUGS pretty much tops the list - the super-frightening, extraordinarily-horrifying, death-defying list.

I am not a big spider fan so I understand that, but the anguish over ants, flies, moths, beetles, June bugs and roly-polies (yes, even cute little roly polies) I just don't get.

And then there is the bug of DEATH...

The bee.

Alias hornet or wasp (please don't get technical here, I know they are different, but the boys lump all the bee-like bugs into the bee category).

Note: None of my boys have ever been stung by a bee, hornet or wasp. To my knowledge they are not allergic to any of these stings so quite honestly they are over-reacting just a tad.

For instance, on the way home from school the other day I saw this gorgeous field of wild flowers. I stopped the minivan on the side of the road and left the field-side door open so I could keep track of the boy that was with me as I grabbed my camera and headed the 15 steps to the flowers.



I got about three shots in before the SCREAM OF DEATH coming from the minivan interrupted my floral photography session.

Crap.

I ran to the van to a panicked child who informed me that a BEE the size of TEXAS had invaded the minivan. I searched high and low for this horrifying species of bee so large that it induced shrieks heard all the way in Oklahoma.

I searched.

and searched.

and searched again.

No bee. I did find a fly...a very freaked out little fly.

Poor fly.

So when we got home I pulled out the Big Book of Insects for a little remedial bee identification training. While reading the Big Book of Insects it became clear that this is not the best book to read to children afraid of bugs. The Big Book of Insects talks about all sorts of rare creepy bugs. The Big Book of Insects shows pictures taken under magnification of bugs that are crawling everywhere on everyone at all times.

Which might explain why I have been answering incessant questions about bugs that are crawling everywhere on everyone at all times since that little lesson.

Sometimes knowledge is NOT a good thing.

Knowledge about super weird creepy bugs may not be good, but knowledge about how they react to the bugs might not be bad...

Yesterday Ryan(8) came to me with a brilliant plan.
Ryan: Mom, I have an idea.
Me: OK.
Ryan: I think I can win a gold medal in running.
Me: Really?
Ryan: Yes, what I need you to do is as soon as they start the race you need to put a bee behind my back. I can run over 20 mph if I am running from a bee...

And that my friends is how you make bug lemonade from bug lemons.

Wow, these Mondays are sure persistent.
They just keep coming around.

I have a few hugs and kisses left over from Mother's Day so please pick one up before you leave.

Speaking of Mother's Day...

Blog-Stedman reports the following conversation on the way to Target last week sans ME.
Blog-Stedman: Does anyone have any ideas what we should get mom for mother's day?
Rhett(3): NO.
Blog-Stedman: Should we get her flowers?
Rhett: No. She ALREADY has some.
They ended up settling on separate cards from each boy which were super cute to see and I bought my own Mother's Day present the weekend before when I attended the Go Red for Women charity luncheon and auction - with a little help I was able to nab some silent auction art out from under the noses of two very-watchful, red-clad, highly-coiffed, North-Dallas girls. SCORE!



All in all a fabulous Mother's Day.

Last Thursday a friend and I met to take our collective 5 boys to see a play - Frog and Toad. As you can see from the picture I took in the lobby how excited my boys (the grumpy ones on the left) were that their mother wants to expose them to culture:

What I love about this picture is that my friend's boys actually look HAPPY. Oh, and Rhett...he is always willing to participate. He ended up hanging out with the enthusiastic two for the rest of the morning. No one, not even a three year old likes un-cultured storm clouds.

After the play we went to the Fort Worth Botanical Gardens, but before you think we are completely TORTURING 5 small boys let me mention that there are large areas to run, fountains to play in and a kids learning area which includes this question...



The boys were in heaven.

What is up with Holly's Coccyx?


Neutral.



Let's find out who is Peep of the Week!

In response to Rhett's interpretation of what I look like:

I could tell it was you. Even without the shorty pajamas and beaver trap.

Thanks for the reality check ThreeUnderTwo...I thought my shorty pajamas and beaver traps hid my extra wide hips and pointy football player shoulders. Great...I am off to write in to What Not to Wear.


And just because it is pretty...




What is in Holly's fruit bowl?



22 cloves of garlic.

May your Monday be absent of uncultured storm clouds.
Please take a clove of garlic with you...and don't forget your hugs and kisses...

Being a mom means I have the privilege to see the world through my children's eyes. I get to peek over their shoulders and see what they see...until they grow too tall...at that point I will have to carry around a ladder because I don't want to miss the view.

Act now...

In These Here Parts Holly is known as Fierce Trapper

Story at Smart Girl Nation.

But WAIT that is not all...

If you respond in the next 15 minutes we will double the offer and also include this BONUS STORY:

An Issue of Space


Story at Smart Girl Nation.

If you go now I will also throw in the modest shipping and handling charges that are really not so modest and cover all the product cost but no one on TV wants to admit that but really does it cost $7.99 (each) to put a product in a box? I mean that is a lot of handling. And shipping.

This is a deal you can't refuse...

Today we are in for a treat.

I have arranged an interview with world famous Nirvana architect, Rhett.

Rhett is a 3 year old architect out of North Texas. His formal training was in other areas (potty training, pedaling a tricycle and book procurement for story time) and is predominantly self-taught in the field of architecture.

His previous architectural achievements have included unique structures created out of non-traditional building materials such as Legos, Tinker Toys, Lincoln Logs and wooden blocks. He is a master at mixed media and demonstrates a creative streak that is unsurpassed.

Thank you Rhett for joining us today.

Hi.



Rhett, can you please show us your latest work?

Here. Look. It is by couch. DON'T KNOCK IT DOWN!


Inspired! What a unconventional take on a modern town. I am impressed with the traffic flow and advanced planning for population congregation.

No. This is family. Here is mom, dad, Ryan, Reid, Rhett (me), Grandma, Grandpa, Mimi, Bampa, Abby (dog), Scooter (cat), Lauren and Baby Benjamin.


Oh! How unexpected. So this one is your mom?

Yes. Mom.


The tall structure with the wide hips?

Yes. Mommy is big.

And the shorter, skinny structure behind it is your dad?

Yes. Mommy LARGE. Daddy MEDIUM. Rhett SMALL.


I am hoping that you are referring to SMALL, MEDIUM and LARGE in a metaphorical sense of their spectrum of influence...

Huh?

This interview is over.

If one cereal is good,


then five is MUCH better.



And will make you MUCH stronger.



Who said Wheaties ALONE was the breakfast of champions?

In honor of today, MONDAY and the POTLUCK festivities that are about to ensue, I am going to change the lyrics of quite possibly the world's most annoying song to be...

*drum roll*

EVEN MORE ANNOYING!

*applause*

POTLUCK was never waiting for us till
it ran one step ahead
as we followed in the dance.

Between the parted pages
we POTLUCKED,
in love's hot, fevered iron
like a striped pair of pants.

POTLUCK is melting in the dark
all the sweet green icing flowing down
someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
and I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, nooo!

--Donna Summer, POTLUCK McArthur Park

*applause*
(a few people stand)

1. "June Cleaver vacuuming"

2. "fruit bowl"

3. "exasperation"

4. "pictures of Joan Cleaver"

5. "what's for dinner?"

What IS for dinner?

*applause*

What is up with Holly's Coccyx?


Better.

*applause*

Let's find out who is Peep of the Week!

In response to Ryan and Reid believing that school should be closed for lightening:

Maybe you shouldn't let Ryan go to school for an hour after he's eaten. Just to be safe.

Thanks Manic Mommy! Wise and witty advice.

*applause*
((standing ovation))

Now since I made such a big deal about school NOT closing for rain, all the area public schools have closed for swine flu. Ryan's school is a part home-school and part real-school that only has one more week until summer break. It is NOT closing.

Which brings me to one of the down sides of home schooling:



<a href="http://www.junecleavernirvana.com"><img border="0" src="http://i440.photobucket.com/albums/qq127/burbmom/homeschoolopenbutton.jpg" /></a>

*few random boos*


Blog-Stedman and I took a quick road trip down to San Antonio this weekend for a meeting he had to attend. The drive was beautiful with Texas wildflowers everywhere. I tried to get some pictures, but at 70 mph the close-ups didn't turn out so well.

Once in San Antonio we found an area of absolute excellence. Can you believe that the World's Greatest Tacos and the World's Best Coffee are in competing restaurants RIGHT NEXT DOOR to each other?

What are the chances?

*applause*

And THIS my friends IS BREAKFAST -



Apfel Pfannenkuchen.

*applause*
((standing ovation))

What is in Holly's fruit bowl?



Nothing.

*silence*
*kinda awkward silence*

May your Monday be filled with applause and may your cake be of the unpronounceable type...