It appears that my three boys are extremely important.

So important that they can't be bothered to stop their important work for something non-important...like going to the restroom.

They play chicken with their bladders to a point that it makes me have empathetic contractions.

It starts out slowly with a subtle groin hold.

Do you need to pee?

NO!

And progresses to a full body stretch on tip toe to allow more room.

Do you need to pee?

NO!

And finally comes the dancing which escalates into a disco beat.

Do you need to pee?

NO!

Of course not.

*wait for it*
*wait for it*
*wait for it*

Once the disco beat pattern is identified it takes approximately 8.5 seconds for the following to happen...

  • All movement stops suddenly.
  • Eyebrows raise and shoulders are pressed back.
  • Entire body pivots toward closest bathroom.
  • Full speed run toward closest bathroom ensues.
  • Tunnel vision occurs.
  • Belt/button undoing may commence.
And what happens when the bathroom door is closed due to prior occupation?
  • The dasher screeches to a halt.
  • Stares at the door in disbelief.
  • Pauses.
  • Horrified look crosses face.
  • Full brain shut-down occurs.
  • No ability to problem solve is present.
And that is why I am needed.

Every day this happens and in this moment I am the most important person in the world. The smartest mom ever to have walked the earth. The wisest sage in the land.

I am Toilet Yoda...

Why don't you use the other bathroom?

Help you I can, yes...

23 comments:

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

We're familiar with that dance.

zelzee said...

See..we mom's ARE good for something!

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Oh yes the potty dance. Know it all too well...

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

The Potty Dance will definitely outlive the Macarena.

CaJoh said...

I love the way you incorporate what's important throughout the post. Very well constructed.

Thank you for following, I am adding you to my "What the followers have to say" blogroll.

Nap Warden said...

Are you telling me potty is always going to be an issue? I am busting my butt to just get out of diapers...Finish line, that is?

jill jill bo bill said...

I do that exact same dance. I think the build up of ammonia is the reason we somewhat blackout. The high pitched noise that accompanies the run also helps with the toxicity level. Just FYI. May need to hire you after a long trip for direction. I see a whole new career for you...

Manic Mommy said...

MM: Do you have to do peeps?

Child: No.

MM: Then please take your hands off your peep.

Lather, rinse, repeat...

Jill Jill beat me to it: We have the accompanying screech of "PEEPS!"

Reluctant Housewife said...

That is too funny.

I'm inclined, once the dancing starts and I've asked, "Do you have to go?" a couple of times, to say, "You. Bathroom. NOW!"

I'm mean like that :)

Also, I really hate to have to clean up puddles.

WeaselMomma said...

That is exactly how 'The Hussle' was invented!

The Lucky Mrs. T said...

Great post Holly.
My boy just drops trow outside - maybe that is why all the grass is dead off our back porch...

MamabearMills said...

So funny that in this moment, I am doing the same disco dance they must have learned.
*Get to end of post
*Leave comment fast
*PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE run

Kaye said...

My son does not do this. Not the 3-1/2 year old. Nope. My 36-year old husband on the other hand STILL does this. I'm trying to convince him that he is going to make himself incontinent one day.

Madge said...

we are familiar with the potty dance.

Rachael said...

We've had that dance over here too.

MommyTime said...

Bwahahah! That last line killed me. We do much of that dance here, but it usually ends with a panicky, bow-legged cowboy impersonation, and a three-year-old's wail of disbelief, "Mama! I'm peeing!?!?!"

Jenni Jiggety said...

My seven year old is guilty of this...especially if there is a video game involved!

Lisa said...

This is too funny! here's a tip- for expert carpet cleaning service visit http://www.citrusfresh.com

Sarah said...

Could the Toilet Yoda come to my house? Forget the kids...*I* need the yoda. It starts at my computer and ends with me wishing I'd listened to the ever nagging kegel advice when I was pregnant.

Elaine A. said...

I can't talk, I've been holding it too long lately myself. It just sucks when you ALWAYS have to go. Sounds like I need you here...

Dumblond said...

It's like you spy on MY kids! hahahaha

Aunt LoLo said...

Oh, mama, you made me laugh. And I needed to laugh, so very much!

Jennifer H said...

You should have a crown and a sceptre and a kingdom. That kind of wisdom is no small thing.

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